Botak here botak there

 


Helooo uols!!

I ingat tadi nak pack up and leave the office...nak bersiap-sedia utk meraikan kedatangan tahun baru dengan memakai baju rambu ramba and berparty tak hengat donia malam ni. Ish! Masa muda pun tak pernah buat, ni kan pulak umur dah 40 ni. Setiap kali i sebut umur i mesti terngiang2 sore Esah kat background nak menidakkan my rights to be whatever umur i want to be. Ada bengang sikit i tau kat orang2 vangang. Sibuk sampai 2,3 kali tefon i datang tak seminar yg i was supposed to go to fulfill requirement pembelajaran i..thing is, email habaq bagitau pun i tak dapat (err...or did i delete ke? Rasanya tak...because kalau email dari tempat ittew, i mesti lub dab lub dab jantung and akan baca setiap patah perkataan). I check2, kalau i tau pun, tak leh nak datang because abang baung takde so i'm on full standby. Kalau nak ngelewor pun setakat kedai mamak tepi pagar je. But annoyed betul2 i depa tefon tanya 10 kali. Rasa cam budak jahat ponteng sekolah je.

Anyway, the petua2 utk ram bot telah selamat i praktikkan...tima kasih semua2 yg comment to my previous post. Tahan je lah badan bau seghope mamak nasi kandar sinun asalkan i tak ram bot.

Berkenaan dgn gambar di atas, tiada kena mengena dgn ram bot..even though adik chips tu ala2 prince willeng. Di satu pagi yg hening masa i feeling2  bawak keta MG nak pi kerja...u may ask apa jadi dgn keta i? Well, MG takdak pi berfoya2 kerja outstation, so i kasi scandal i guna beetmobile i...biar dia rasa cam org bertamadun sikit dok kat ceruk tok kun sinun tu. For one second masa keluar selekoh dekat rumah i, i forgot which car i was driving. So konar tak lepas kerb lantas meletuplah tayar. No other way nak balik ke rumah semula melainkan patah balik kat Petr0nas. Kat situ ramai chips melepak isi petrol uols! Of course la tayar meletup sikit punya kuat (or is it langgar kerb yg kuat?), diaorg sedar lantas digamit dek adik chips sorang ni. Terpaksalah akak ikut arahan berenti keta although dlm hati memulanya nak bawak balik rumah and panggil autoassist je. Malu uols!!! Orang tak tanya pun awal2 i ngaku itu bukan keta i. I tak beyser kononnya. Adik chips ni dgn kawannya berhempas pulas menukarkan ke tayar spare. Sampaikan nak escort utk tunjukkan kat mana kedai tayar. Tak pelah encik...saya taknak feeling2 KakMah...walaupun saiz tu seghope. Adik chips jugak berfikiran yg tayar seme botak kakk oiii...sekali lagi i emphasise ni bukan kereta saya tapi kereta encik swomi (harrghhhtuih!)...so merasalah MG tahun ni utk birthday dapat 4 bijik tayar kereta baru. Sepanjang2 adik chips attended to the car, Esah do keriau2 wasap mengatakan i mengambil masa abang2 ittew dari menjaga keamanan negara (jalanraya??)...dia jeles yg benarnya...

Itu sahaja untuk tahun 2013 ini. Selamat tahun baru.

Kojak idola ku

Hi uols, 

I ni ada maselah...rambut i gugur like nobody's business. This is not the customary 100 helai sehari. Its more like bila sikat segenggam tercabut, bila basuh rambut rasa macam kena belit ular when rambut2 tu gugur atas badan..and worse, gosok dgn tangan je pun boleh tercabut. What's happening?!!!

Dan dan tu i teringat loyar sabung ayam pernah cakap, btw dia ni bila malam2 transform jadi tok moh nenek kebayan (eh tak.jadi cik ta katanya) to use air rebusan kacang hijau utk rambut rontan. Fuh bahasa! Merasalah i sepanjang hari and malam bau bubur kacang. Hopefully menjadilah uols! Kalau tak merasa MG cari lain pasal biniknya botaks. Laki kan..ada je lah alasannya...

Talking about natural remedies ni, i tingat2 a few that i have tried. Mak i cakap kalu nak buang bau ketiyak and bagi bulu tak tumbuh, sapu kapur makan. Satu hari i pun trylah...ya ampunnnn! My tiyaks were on fire! I cakap kat mak i..mak, apsal la mak ada chobaan nak bakar anak mak ni..tiyak menggelegak pedih...bak bubuh roundup je gayanya. Mak i cakap, sapa suh bubuh macam sapu jem kat roti? Orang buh secubit ja! Of course la instructions yg diberi tu idakle macam buku resepi ye uols...merasalah lebam kat kawasan yg tak sepatutnya lebam when the sun doesn't shine there.

Pastu, orang kata nak muka halus mulus, sila tepek lendir aloe vera kat muka. Kita pun berlumba2lah nak pipi segebu cik ta (Cik Ta saja...maklumlah...dia idola esah). Ya robbi! Mengetit miangnya kat muka! Bebaru ni i terbaca yg kalu nak pakai gel aloe vera au naturel gitu, kena biarkan lendir kuning meleleh dulu (hish temah molly ni. Bukan lendir yg had tu lah!). Then basuh baru belah isinya. Yg had kuning tu yg gatal..

Pastu macam limau nipis ke lemon juice ke utk buang kelemumur..harap maklum, kalau ada luka2 kesan garuk kelemumur tak hengat donia, merasalah cam kena curah acid.

I think my hair is thinning dek kena tulah...i salu gelakkan rambut Esah yg tebal cam helmet.Memang tebal kauuu! I mean she's like 8 feet tall and 2 feet is just her hair.

So uols, help! Adakah apa2 petua atau tonic yg nujarab utk maselah i ni...quick! Sebelum i jadi kojak.

Btw, pecah kaca pecah gelas,
Esah ko kalau dah baca baik balas!

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Cukup islamik kah awak?

Hari ni ada kawan i tu tulis dlm pesbuk 'judging others is bad, lets focus on judging ourselves' katanya. This is coming from the same friend yg buat i angin satu badan not so long ago dgn madah2nya yang berbaur agama jugak. That time it was this issue with mufti perlis or ex-mufti perlis (correct me kalau salah ye) pushing for anak tak sah taraf supaya di binkan dgn nama biological bapaknya (correct me again kalau...). he said it was akin to giving hypodermic needles and condoms to iv drug users and trollops. Trollops katanya kau! Bahasa! I do not support penagih dadah and i do think they are a waste of space. Begitu jugak dgn sex workers. But takkan nak menunggu je until angin puting beliung islam meresap masuk ke dalam diri? In the mean time nak biarkan je hiv berleluasa? But the isu anak tak sah taraf really got my knickers in a twist. I applaud the mufti/ex mufti perlis for being progressive...ye la...buat sesuatu yg 'bertentangan' lebih2 di panggil wasabi pulak, kan? So i replied to his status that why not? Berapa banyak dah kes budak2 ni di ostracise kat sekolah? We cant expect mulut cikgu2 boleh ditutup...dapat yg perangai seghopa makcik wok? Yg menjadi mangsa is anak2 yg tak berdosa. Surely islam pun menekankan jangan bukak aib orang. Oh tidak2! I was given a lecture of how this social problem is beyond aib mengaib..it involves pembahagian hartalah....auratlah...etc. etc. Is there no other way around it? 

Adakah islam sekejam itu? Back to isu dadah and jarum or sex workers and condom. Kalau tak bagi jarum or condom agak2 depa akan stop their 'happy hour' ke? I'm one who believes in if you are not able to remove the aetiological factor (that causes the problem), treat the signs and symptoms in the meantime.

It's easy to preach..do this do that...the same setazah yg ngajar anak i kafa, ngajar anak i berhutang jugak: dia berjual and makanan yg tak habis dia suh anak i beli. Anak i takde duit, dia kata takpe, esok bayar. Bolehh??? Ada yg preach pasal kiamat, amalan etc. but bab2 menepati masa ke laut. Bukankah kalau kata nak jumpa kul 9, tu dah kira berjanji? Kalau janji tak ditepati, bukankah itu ciri2 munafik? Omputeh yg tak islam tu lagi islamic in terms of jaga waktu, adab naik keretapi, kebersihan tandas...nak komplen tandas surau2 or masjid selalunya...ya ampunnnn!!

Cleanliness 101

Nothing interesting to tell, so i mengomel kosong je lah ye?

I made mushroom quiche to be brought to the office today. I like baking. I like feeding people with stuff that i have baked. Sapakah lagi yang akan mengappreciatenya kalau tak orang2 kat ofis ni yg suka makan? But of course i buat utk orang2 kat rumah dulu...Baby X semalam kata suka and makan sampai 3 ketul..hari ni dah kata tak suka pulak. Little D makan satu utk jaga hati i. MG cakap mmm sedap tapi takde pulak dia berebut2 mintak second helpings pulak? So bila i buat utk ofis pagi ni, dia kata, ni nak impress kawan2lah tu...sheesshhh! He just doesn't get it that someone yg suka baking cam i, the pleasure of seeing other people devouring what you have cooked with gusto as opposed to orang bila kita tanya, sedap tak? Sedaaaapppp...bunyi macam tak ikhlas and pastu terpeleot cam kononnya kita buat utk orang laiiiiin je and bukan utk dia (complicated kan??). 

I secretly aspire to be a part time baker...suka kalau ada orang tempah suh kita bake something. MG cakap i ni baking ala2 'seasonal' je...ye lah...satu ketika dulu i baked cuppies left, right and centre. siap dgn icing lagi. Paksa dia bawak gi office..the operative word is paksa. I then had to eat most what i have baked because pakcik bagi banyak alasan kalau suh bawak...piled on 5kgs. So I had to stop baking. (ingatkan tadi nak meluahkan perasaan thru blogging tapi bila kenang balik rasa geraaammm sangat ni). Esah kononnya nak jadi supportive ...but she only eats oxygen and drink diet coke..OK la, the occasional kipap...i think during her thyroid surgery, something must have happened to her...dia dah tak kuat melantak (bring back the old Esah yg boleh tambah nasik lapan kali!). Yes..i love baking ...kalau ada sesapa cakap kat i, tingiiiiiiiinnn nak makan bingka labu for e.g....kalau tak esok, lusa i bawak. The excitement starts from looking for the perfect recipe on the internet, reading the reviews, going to the supermarket looking for the ingredients and making it. I must love baking as much as i love napping in the afternoon.

Tadi i jadi toliet monitor. I keluarkan notice etika penggunaan tandas. Mentality orang Mesia. Bila kata masih tahap dunia ke3, marah..but toilet etiquette? Last week i poo poo kat public toilet kat this shopping complex. Nak basuh tangan kat sink tengok dgn rambut and plaster di buang dlm sink. This group of young girls asyik dok kirai2 rambut depan cermin and sibuk berselfie. Hampa punya rambut la kan????!!! Tisu basah biar je tepi sink padahal the bin is only 2 feet away. Back to toilet kat ofis ni, orang basuh bekas makanan and sink tersumbat because of the sisa pepejal. Aku la yg dok curah garbage enzyme down the sinkhole to unblock it. Sampai nak habis la supply G.E i!

Sometimes i terfikir, manalah depa letak otak depa ni? Dia ingat the sisa2 nasi tu would just disappear down the drain pipe kut. This reminds me when i had to share a house with some juniors. Lepas breakfast pagi2 depa just tinggal breadcrumbs on the table and sekitar toaster. Did they expect the crumbs would just disappear into thin air given time? When i asked them to clean after themselves, depa dok kuis crumbs tu ke atas lantai. Bila sink tersumbat, depa kept on gunakan the sink. Otak letak kat lutut pastinya. Masa i masters pulak, i pulak joined these group of junior medical students. A house without any duty roster, boleh? Kalau ada sorang yg memnag rajin and volunteer to clean the house, tak pe jugak. Ni? Hareeemmmmm! The grime in the bathtub??? Ya ampunnn! When i cleaned it a few days after i came in, i overheard their sembang2..depa cam amazed bathtub berkilat and air laju and tak bertakung dalam bathtub. Future doctors (then) ye tuan puan. Kalau dapat hosmet yg rajin (adalah sekali dua), waaah...best, amannn je perasaan. Kalau dapat yg kerojenya asyik ngulit boipren je..rasa cam nak cekik2 dua2nya sekali.

Sib baiklah laki i bukan jenis yang meninggalkan 'ular sawa berlingkar' or 'pretzels' atas lantai. Or buat dapur kat ruang tamu...Life's little blessings gitu..

CNN

There's this person..acik ni suka bercerita. Kalau cerita pasal hikayat malim deman ke, no harmlah...cite lah sampai ke pagi. Thing is, dia suka cite and takde tapis2. For e.g. Katalah A meluahkan perasaan kat dia. Mungkin ada yg ok dan tak ok pasal cite A. Kalau kita yg peka ni, kita takdelah cite apa yg A luahkan pada another person, lets say B, kerana kita tau B cant stand A. Bukan A mengata B pun, cuma B and A memang takde chemistry. But B ni lepas mendengar cerita dari si polan pasal A, bertambah2lah meluatnya kat A walaupun cerita tu takde kena mengena pasal dia pun.

And there are some things yg bila orang bercerita kat kita about someone else for e.g. Eiii awat dia tembam sangat sekarang or i think she needs to go to the gym. Si acik tu mungkin gelak je bec she found it funny and bukan dia yg kena panggil topui pun. It should just end therelah kan. But oh noooo...acik just had to tell the topui person, si so and so thinks you should go to the gym ...and pastu dia gelak2 cam funny sangat. Of courselah orang tu annoyedlah jugak...bukan kat orang yg menggelar but more to acik CNN bec  dia pulak yg terlebih2 excited.

Lepas tu adalah sekali tu pasal C and D. These two memang sworn enemieslah katakan. C said some unkind things about D. We all yg tau cuma diam je pasal wat apa nak agrokan si D kan. Oh tidak, acik just had to tell D about it and spoil D's moods.

Thing is, acik ni manusia yg kurang sensitip. Mungkin dia expect other people should take things lightly cam dia jugak. And also insensitip to peel2 orang lain...yg si polan ni jenis yg tak kisah so boleh la dengar cite pasal orang ngata dia whereas yg ni pulak kalau bab2 berkenaan janganlah pulak disampaikan pada dia..

And acik blur (or blurriness is her defense mechanism) tak paham2, mode eh i tak buat apa2 apsal semua orang nak tuduh i ni? Duh!

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