I nak jadi harimau

Somehow i find it easier (in my mind) numbering / bulleting my paragraphs whenever i'm updating this blog with stories yg berkecamuk. I must have some obsessive trait in me....frankly speaking, one of the things i'd do while waiting for something or someone is to whip out my pda phone and start making a list..dpd groceries, to things to do sampai ke what to buy if i have so and so much money (ni wishful thinking je la ni..)

Anyway, i bengang 2, 3 hari ni..

1. My BFF yg nak tengok Anuar Jeng dgn i tak jadi because she much prefers CT..no harm, i dah dapat kaki lain. Anyway, i've roped in 2 friends to share the AJ experience. Yg sorang ni claim dia minat sangat...bila i cakap i nak book the tickets, she said, eh, nak check dulu seating mana yg paling best. I kata OK, since we all have decided that we are willing to pay for the best seats in the house (maaf, tiada element nak menunjuk di sini..Cik Kiah sanggup mengikat perut di samping membayar hutang puasa yg bertapuk2 from now till bulan ramadhan), i'm sure the seats will be best, kan? Eh tak, makcik tu kata, since Cik Kiah berat pungguk nak pi IB check seating, biarlah dia yg pi check and buat booking..no harm.. Pas tu tadi i pun tefon la dia, oi...dah reserve ke tickets??? Oh belum lagi, last2 dia suruh i je lah yg book because dia tak sempat.. So, i pun surf la dan memang ticket tinggal 20% je yg available lagi and sah lah semua ticket yg mahal dan idak sangatla the best seats in the house. Not so bad, kat belakang VIP and kalau takde mak2 datin yg bersanggul tinggi2 dapat la i yg vertically challenged ni usha AJ. Di celah2 makcik berchotti2 msia di celah2 imigran kat KayLCC nun, dia tak dengar apa i cakap. I mula rasa nak naik hangin because udahle kita ni dua2 lubang hidung sumbat, nafas ikut mulut, pas tu nak kita ulang byk kali cakap and buatkan i ni kekurangan oksigen ke otak. She made me ulang 4,5 kali suruh mendescribekan where the seats are exactly..napa tak dapat yg dekat stage...kalau tingkat atas apa nak nampak...lubang hidung AJ pun tak nampak nanti...Haiya..she made me feel cam secretary dia pulak, tau la dia boss kat tempat kerja dia. Cik Kiah pun cam bertempik jugak tadi, helloooo...kalau nak yg seat betul2 bawah kot@ toot AJ, patutnya awal dari last week dah book..ni udahle lambat, lagi nak demand2. Pueh jugak hati i dah tempik camtu. Fed up betul! Not a good start but i hope AJ can mend the rift, kan AJ, kan??? (i ada semua CD you...)

2. I have to attend a meeting tomorrow..to justify why i want to go get my head permanently damaged. Napa nak buat locally? Boleh ke you rasa with anak, laki, kucing and all? You rasa you cukup terrer ke just because you ada masters?? These were all the questions that my big boss asked me. Obviously in tomorrow's meeting takde la soklan2 berbau hancing camtu. But do they (the big bosses) know how nervous i am about this 'thing'? I have doubts..i have met people yg dekat satu dekad baru complete, anak dah masuk uni, supervisor sempat meninggal lagi etc. When i'm nervous, i shop...i am completely broke now...MG tak cakap apa2..dia cuma cakap kat little D, mummy kau tu, selagi tak habis duit kat bank, tak stop!

3. I hate pesbuk. I have friends from school or uni yg nak jadi kawan, pas tu kita pun accpet requestnya then, we look at their pictures and their running comments and then you feel like killing yourselves. Belum le lagi to the extent of mummy, mama cam kengkawan kau Esah but enough to make me feel ínadequate'. I'm fast approaching 40, but i'm there already. Ada sorang ni pergi sini sana panjat gunung, runs for marathon and cut people up some more. The only climbing i do is when the lift breaksdown and itupun mulut terkumat kamit menyumpah for the whole length of 51 anak tangga tu...the only running i do is away from my pilates class...and what do i do for a living??? someone i know from primary school ni, buat caramel pudding yg set2 masuk microwave dulu pun dia tak tau buat but la ni ada buku on baking lagi. And she loves what she's doing! What have i got to show for? (OK please bear with my self pity moans ...) If i were to leave this world tomorrow, adakah i akan jadi rimau tinggalkan belang i or jadi debu je and with my colleagues berebut2 nak bilik opis i yg sebesar kotak kasut tu. (kalau esok i gone, bulan depan dah MG gunakan duit insurans i pi pinang anak dara). I bangga dgn kawan i yg kiri kanan org comment how beautiful her cakes are etc. and the only person yg pernah cakap kat i dia bangga dgn i was one school mate yg pernah dtg workplaceB i and dia nampak nama i kat pintu (and i was not in at that time).(and please also tell me how i can 'hapuskan'dari pandangan mata i minah yg lagi satu tu yg asyik lari sana lari sini kat semua tempat2 exotic..dan membuatkan i terfikir, eh, waiting list kat tempat dia pendek ke???

4. To top of all my kebengangan is si siamang a.k.a the ex. payah sikit i nak link cite why i fell out with him (happened last Jan, ada thread on this). Anyway, it's much easier to not think him as a friend lepas that incident because no way in this world i nak berkawankan dgn org camtu. well, last fri, dapat email dari dia, tak cakap apa2 tapi paparkan gambar kawin dia yg hitam putih balam2..! Motifnya nak memberitahu yg dia dah berpunya balik semula le tu...OK la! I jaki! Honestly makcik tu memang kecik molek, gigi semua lengkap teratur (damn! Di manakah keadilannya!)...rasa cam nak paste je kan gambarnya kat sini...hish hehe....dunia ini kecil, tak pasal2 nanti i kena saman dgn pakcik siamang tu pulak. Anyway, my other BFF ustazah munah kata even theyears have not been kind to him..dia yg kononnya suatu masa dulu hensem, pelakon popular iklan2 tv yg menjadi igauan gadis2.

So you know, it does not matter..dia rasa dia masih ensem and bini barunya gorgeous, hence dia hantar gambar kat i. Kalau i ni walaupun tak lawa tapi fit cam kawan i yg lari2 marathon tu (dan jugak boleh potong orang, mind you!) nak jugak i tangkap gambar medal2 i and emailakn kat dia. But i'm not, what is my achievement so far??? Damn! lagi bertambah stress le i beause by hook or by crook, i kena gak complete whatever i'm going to embark on, in 3 years..not more. Entah2 kut lepas tu i akan rasa cam i lah manusia yg paling pandai...kan Esah, kan??

(I'm 36, mother of 2, surrogate mother of 3, wife of 1 and kononnya respectable neighbour of many...and i'm sick in the head..)