Finally

Yeah, yeah...i know...this telenovela is becoming a pain in my arse..hehe. Selalu rasa guilty bila nak update. But the mood isn’t always there. Firstly because banyak lagi tugasan lain yg tak siap2..plus, lepas that fall out with the siamang, obviously la nak dapat mood balik utk tidak mengingatkan pada benda2 yg menyakitkan hati tu susahkan? Anyway, it’s 2 more days to christmas. Mintak maap banyak2..tiada unsur2 syirik di sini but Christmas time always transfer me back to negara benggali putih. Dengan berdozen2 cite ala2 christmas yakni it’s all about love, forgiving, families being together, miracles as opposed to our ‘pondok buruk’, rosyam noor buta (or is it gila?), nangis tak berenti2, anak durhaka, mak mati celik bijik mati or lawak2 yg tak kelakar. All those Xmas movies on tv then would keep me occupied being sebatang kara kat sana, no one to cuddle up to (kucing kurap pun takde!), kengkawan/colleagues semua balik kampung masing2 and the lack of shops that stay opened (except newsagent kipas yg mahal nak mampuih) or public transport. Somehow, kengkadang terasa di hati cam nak go back to that place, that time...tempat jatuh lagi dikenang, kan?

Ok enough with the selingan...christmas time 9 years ago was most eventful, to say the least. Only 3 years before that, on Boxing Day, siamang dumped me (masa tu bulan pose kalau ikut bulan islamnya la). Well, according to him, he didn’t dump me, ‘we mutually called it off’. Ceh! Kalau dah jantan yg you berpacaran lebih setengah dekad idak gak nak move forward, that means he’s just not into you, kan? Well, not really into you sampai nak jadikan you suri di hatinya (yg will end up masak, jaga anak dan sewaktu dgnnya and will end up si suri ni mengutuk lakinya jugak nanti, chenta tak chenta pun).

So 9 years ago, 2 days to Xmas i pun berkejar ke travel agent kat sekolah i masa lunch. Sib baik i datang masa tu because they were closing after lunch. In fact ada keluar notice CLOSED lagi but i banged on their windows. Sib baik the agent pun memang ternanti2 for me to come to collect my ticket. Kalau tak, takde le cite telenovela madras mari ni. I think it was the last Friday before Xmas. So the ticket to tempat Siamang was secured..btw esah, aku naik BM tau kan easypeasy jet. Kopak gak la pocket student ku masa tu. Kalau i kumpul la semua duit yg i laburkan kat british mercury, british rail, ring ring card, tiket katebang etc. i boleh buat downpayment rumah kat ulu kuang nun tau! So the next day, i board a mid morning flight. Dalam hati gedebak gedebuk...one because i risau once i reached Ffurt, i have to get on a bus to where he was and it was an hour away. Two, ye la, nak jumpa balik dgn jantan yg merobek hati kita, pijak2 pas tu kutip bagi balik kat kita (damn, i am a sucker for punishment).

When i reached my destination, it was already dark walaupun baru kul 3 petang. It was Xmas eve. I turun je dari bas, there he was, tercegat (idak le dia buat aksi2 nyorok belakang tiang ke). It was bloody awkward. He took me to the Xmas market..and bought me some cheese (dengar tu Esah..me n cheese, tak boleh dipisahkan). Then he took me back to his place. He was sharing this apartment with another guy from his office (in Msia) whom i knew and he had his wife with him for the hols. I segan jugak because that guy knew our history, macam terngiang2 di telinga mungkin dia cakap, apa le minah ni nak lagi kan? But i guess, masa zaman muda2 dolu, we take chances kan? Lantak pi apa org nak cakap, janji i never want to live the rest of my life wondering ‘what if?’

We didn’t do much on Xmas day (nothing to do also) except pi makan kedai Turki, he cooked nasi biryani and he showed me around town. I found out that he was seeing somebody. Akhirnya tecapai jugak cita2nya nak berpacaran dgn budak mentah yg masih belajar kat IPTA yg masa tu belum bertaraf universiti lagi. I asked him, cemana you boleh start ngan budak tu? He said someone tried to matchmake kan dia dgn kakak budak tu and cemana tah dia boleh tersangkut ngan adik pulak. He also said that among all the girls he dated, minah ni je yg ada staying power..maknanya takdelah dia nak blah anytime and that suited him. Malas i nak cakap kalau budak yg ada 2G element camtu (genit n gedik) memang la ada staying power...sapa taknak brag ngan kengkawan yg she’s going out with a working man yg much older...the fact that pergi dating dapat makan buffet kat hotel or paling koman masuk restoran mamak yg beraircond rather than balik2 restoran FC kat kompleks tu je? Ish jahatnya aku ni..But what the hell was he doing with me?

Actuallynya, kitaorg sempat bergaduh lagi tu...dua hari dua malam tak bertegur sapa. Tapi yg kelakarnya still pergi sightseeing sama2 because of course i takkan nak membazir duit i terperap je kat rumah dah datang jauh2 tu. We argued like we always did and that time it was about benda2 yg tak puas hati when we were still together (see the pattern? Ada je issue yg tak habis2). Bila mengenangkan yg i only have a few days at his place, bukannya sebulan dua, we made peace. We went to Heidelberg and tah mana lagi i can’t remember the name of the places. We had more turkish food (tu je yg halal kat situ gamaknya), went shopping, looked at some swans, watched at the falling snow from his apartment’s balcony and it was time for me to leave.

So what the heck, for one last time (berpuluh kali dah one last time nya), i told him. We had fun, obviously ‘something’ is still there..so choose me, pick me, love me bak kata Meredith Gray on Gray’s Anatomy. I cakap yg tinggal 9 bulan je lagi before i finish my masters. I cakap pejam celik pejam celik the last year went so quickly, so what is another 9 months? He said dia tak sanggup...anything can happen within that time. That was what he said before i left for the UK a year before. I supposed if he had agreed, i would have had him commit...no more pasang gopren sana sini and he knew that was the way with me. I accepted that was it...all the way from his place to the airport, airmata i turun cam air terjun. In a way i knew takde apa yg nak ditunggu lagi. With him i developed thick skin, i asked him twice but he said no. You can’t really force someone to have you. My sis pernah cakap kalau kitaorg ni ada jodoh, it wouldn’t be so damn hard. Before i left, he told me that he’d be back in Germany in April for 2 weeks. This time round he didn’t get in touch with me (sib baik!). Last2 i dengar he got engaged to that 2G girl. I got back dgn mata yg bengkak. My BFF came up for the hols so new year was bearable. I went home for 10 days during Easter hols just to bakar, buang all his letters, cards, cassettes (kalau dulu tak dub lagu memang tak sah). My BFF said that ‘cleansing ritual’ is vital if you need to move on and that’s what i did. Oh yeah, during that hols jugak MG came over to meet my parents and the rest is history 

P/S Two weeks before i got married, siamang came over to my house. He was still not married then He said that letting me go was the biggest mistake he’d ever made. Pperghh!