She eats men for breakfast

Semalam, ada sorang colleague jantan ni cari i. We have worked at the same place for a very long time. I tanya, apsai you cari i ni? Bedah, Timah, Senah takde ke? Cey cey...saja je i sebut nama colleagues pompuan2 muda kat tempat i tu. Ye lah..kita ni kan dah dinosaur, of courselah kalau takde masalah, yg si jantan tu lebih rela dilihat bersama depa tu.

He said he needs to tell me something...dia kata i sorang je yg akan memahami..kerana i have 'hermaphrodite' thinking. Hah? I think it's meant to be  a compliment...(or did he say i think like a pondan/khunsa? Whatever!). Pastu i nampak dia terkebil2, terkulat2.....sudah! Masak betul i dengan perangai dia ni..cenggitulah rupanya bila dilanda perasaan bersalah yg teramat sangat. Ceritanya begini..bebaru ni dia pi buat credit card. Adik promoter tu cakap, 'boleh siap in an hour...tapi i belum makan lagi ni..'. Kawan i tu pulak terfikir, eh aku yg muka po-ot ni pun ada gak orang nak flirt2 ye. kembang sungguh dirinya tengahari tu. Dia bawaklah adik tu pi makan..

Di situlah bermulanya permasalahan dia tu. He said the girl was all over him at lunch. Hah?! All over like what i tanya? I kata is it like...i gave him a perumpamaan..let's say if she was a wet dog ( and i seriously meant no disrespect to this girl..at this pointlah), are you telling me you dah kena samak? He said yes, many times! Wooooiii! (since i know him so well, i don't think he's making this up) You mean this woman/girl that barely knew you dah raba2 you merata2? Yup, katanya. I asked orang tak pandang2 ke? Pandang, jawabnya lagi. But he said he didn't reciprocate and he was quite impressed with himself. Dia kata sekarang ni dia cukup 'makan' kat rumah, previously mungkin dia pun akan 'ngap' jugak. So, soalannya ialah..mengapakah dia yg tak hensem tu pun ada jugak pompuan nak? (before that i tanya jugak, kat bank manakah yg menawarkan 'package' yg begitu menarik utk pelanggan lelaki ni? Credit card boleh siap dlm masa sejam di samping menunggu ditawarkan juga massage...must tell MG, STAY AWAY, if he values his life that is)

Well, i said, there are women out there yg memang nak test power...and bila depa ni nak test power, mangsanya would be men yg po-ot atau rhope nerd2 sikit. Idakle depa nak pi test kat jantan2 pemangsa macam watak ArunAjis dlm OR tu kan, because kalau set camtu sudah pastu depa pulak yg kena ngap..because these women are predators themselves. Lagi satu, mangsanya pulak mestilah yg matured, had ada  title kat depan nama lagi bagus because apparently that spells $$$. Kalau setakat kerja mat despatch ke idakle depa nak mengorat, kan? Cer tanya mat despatch memana...satunya mungkin depa pun tak qualify utk kad penambah hutang tu and another thing kalau dia pi meraba mat despatch masa tengah 'driving' maunya motor tak masuk longkang??

So he asked me, what should he do? I told him my Kak Nam self would say, eh, pi lah dating lagi..i so nak dengar gossip (sebab tu lah dia kata i ni non-judgemental, hermaphrodite)...which btw, bila ko nak hapdate Esah oi..! But my sane self would say, yg you nak pi cari nahas tu apsal? Kalau nak kawin lagi satu sangat, i doubt this is the kind of woman you would like to end up with. Selain daripada no jamu pasakbumi can help you gain the energy bak HeMan, she would also most probably cukur you botak, hokay? I mean, where does this type of woman come from??? Masa i single mingle umur 25 tahun bergetah lagi (the getah part tu i tak cakap but my friend tu yg tambah), i did think any guy above 30 are old, gatai and i stayed away from them. Nampak sangat pompuan camni nak kena lempang2! Berani pi meraba jantan 'tua' satu hal lah kan...laki orang pulak tu!

I told him, dah! Jangan nak pi contact2 lagi minah ni pi cari penyakit. You takde jumpa dia lagi kan? Pastu i tengok muka kawan i tu terkulat2 lagi. Whatttt?! Yg you pi jumpa dia lagi buat apa? Saja gatai kan? He said, there won't be a third time because he said, masa tu nescaya akan end up kat hotel kalau sempat, kalau tak tepi semak je...Ganas betul pompuan tu..