I'mmmm every womaaannnn

We're going through a dry spell. Panas mengetit2 kata orang...segersang2 bumi, gersang lagi blog i ni...dah lama tak bersiaran. Nothing to talk about, boleh?

And then i tertengok KL drama festival what have you on tv last night....cameraman asyik dok zoom in kat Kek Foo...which btw, last week Esah dok keriau2 wartawan kat Melody pronounced nama Keith Foo jadi Kek Foo. Tetengok, MC semalam pun asyik dok Kek Foo, Kek Foo....Kek pun kek lah...tidak mengurangkan tahap kehensemannya..taste sungguh tau!

Tetiba je i terfikir pasal ArianaRose BNS* kawan si Esah..and also why worms should remain in the can bak kata makaji kita tu. Cemana orang yg beranak pinak sanggup meruntuhkan mahligai sendiri dan masjid orang lain just kerana chenta.

Well....chenta itu best...sapa yg tak pernah berchenta...ataupun paling kurang pun gila bayang kat somebody and we are convinced that person at least notice that we exist? Chenta sungguh mengasyikkan and lepas dapat tu, boleh high je macam lepas makan nasik kandar Kudu kat Jalan TAR. But in real life, perasaan jatuh chenta dan dichentai ni tak boleh sustain lama2...imagine kalau asyik dok nyerongen je sepanjang hari. aka mandi tak basah, makan tak kenyang, tidur tak lena..physiologically human body cannot sustain maaa..

Anyway, mukadimah melalut2.

Bila kita kahwin, kita haraplah yg panas sampai ke petang. lepas dah jadi mak pak orang semua. OK la, some marriages are set to fail from the start e.g. pasangan panas baran, kaki pukul, berjudi etc. But then ada yang nampak macam oookkkkkk je...takde gelombang yg rock the boat...calm waters all the way.
Tapi.....mana tau one partner tu rasa cam hambar je. If laki hambar? Apa susah, masih ada pilihan yang dibolehkan..if pompuan?

Hambar camna?  Read on.

Ada orang komplen laki jeles nak mamps...ada laki yang bini pakai seluar katanya sebab nak tayang bontot kat mamat afghan jual carpet. Ada laki yang dah kena kencing manis (paham2 je lah), umur pun dah dekat 6o tapi bini komplen yang dia asyik kena dicuit ramas sana sini, walaupun depan anak2..and laki asyik dok kata eiii..geramnya i tengok you ni. Boleh?

Well....what if your hubby gets more excited of Candy Crush ke, kayu golf ke or kepala paip rather than the sight of you? You can be dancing naked in the rain and dia akan continue baca sokabar or belek Ipeknya. And you know what, to have your partner not see you as a woman...well, it's kinda depressing..

Ustad2 pun kata..ong pompuan ni nak dibelai2...nak dipicit2...whateverlah kan. Pujilah sekali sekala even if you have to lie through the teeth. Ada orang tu boleh notice staff2 pompuannya asyik2 buh lotion kat tangan...bini yang bertepek2 45 jenis serum and moisturiser tiap2 malam tak notice pulak? I wonder who this husband thinks the wife is doing it for? 

Yes, i think that's what is happening to AR BNS...she has transformed into this being yg husbandnya dah tak nampak. But still orang kata..apa ke halnya sampai nak pi ikut jantan lain? Not everyone is strong or has kepala yg firmly screwed on. Mungkin yg sound or kuat pegangannya akan tunggu je lah bidadara kat sorga (got such thing ka??) atau tak pun tunggu je lah Kek Foo lookalike kat sorga nanti. But people do succumb to temptations..kengkadang rasa desperate sangat that Bangla cleaner kat office senyum kat dia pun dah kata Bangla tu syok kat dia...or pi medical checkup and boleh tangkap cintan kat dr yg buat examination tu...kata lembutnya tangan..sopannya..Or Indon kerja renovation depan rumah jiran yg usha dia pun dia rasa tersipu2..Or ex-boipren saja nak bukak can of worms by asking her to buatkan kek utk si jantan pun boleh buat pompuan middle age tu tersengih2 mengimbau kenangan lama. Why? And these are all married women i'm talking about dan adalah cerita benar. Nothing is worse to a woman than her husband yg dah tak sedar dia tu pompuan. Orang jantan ni asyik nak ungkit2 pasal oooo..berdosa kalau isteri tak mau melayan suami di ranjang...if vice versa apa pulak hukumnya? Tak pulak ong pompuan nak keriau2 pasal tu kan...pasal malulah dikatakan asyik nak nakkk je...Sorry la..masuk bab 18sx pulak. Actuallynya idaklah pompuan nak sangat yg wham bam thankyou maam but what we want is...noticelah yg saya ni pompuan, ada boobs, suka melawa, suka beli baju baru, tukar pesen rambut, tukar kaler2 rambut...wangi ke tak bila dah berperfume tu, kurus ke tak bila seminggu dah tak makan nasik..susah ke?

My mum and dad had a really turbulent marriage. Pinggan, penyapu, periuk, apalagi yang tak pernah melayang?  Lari dari rumah, pak i pi kejar..apalagi? Memang pasangan padaiyappa ammapoddi tulen. Kenkadang dulu i pernah terfikir,....adoii..kalau asyik nak bercakar je, pi la dok asing2. Pastu bila baik, cakap berkias2 saja yg bila dah besar panjang ni baru i compute. I do think the sex must be good...(phwoarrr cakap dah tak berlapik!) Ye la..kalau tak takkan la at the age of past 50, my mum boleh suh i tolong carikan dia Ky jelly..(i did test her kot2 dia tersilap and nak vaseline utk buh bibirke...oh tidak ye..tiada kekhilafan di situ..sampai laa ni i geli geleman bila ngenangkannya). If not for that, i think mum prolly would have bungkused a long time ago. And i kid you not, she's not the type yg takut ada 'gelaran' or takut tak leh tanggung diri seniri, anak etc. My dad, for whatever his faults were..yes, he did notice mum. Org tu pakai baju apa, yg mana yg lawa, bini orang mana yg lagi gemuk etc. I tell you, it made mum felt very much like a woman.

OK, back to AR BNS..mungkinkah lakinya begitu? I told Esah...macam set2 pak BridgetJones. quiet dependable type...bagus in a way but... B.O.R.I.N.G...!.Well, the mum did run off with another man kan? And she did say yg dia rasa dirinya tak disayangi dek pak BJ.

OK, menyelit sikit pasal AR yg sebenar..i geli geleman nengok episodes 2, 3 yg terakhir. Asyik merajuk, pujuk, imam i, imam i tak habih2! All throughout, kepala i dok bagi ulasan selari..bila AR letak kepala atas riba  Adam...hmmm...dlm 2 tahun kawin boleh la kut. Pastu mesti AK akan komplen berat la...panas la...and tah hapa2 lagi. Saying that, i have a friend yg cite pak dia sampai sekarang akan baring letak pala atas mak dia...awwww...sweet sangat! But the pak is ustad yg bukan calang2 orang...ikut sunnah nabi lah tu..Kalau ong jantan kita, dia nak letak pala bukan atas riba existing bini, dia nak pi bersunnah kawin lagi satu baru nak buat sunnah letak pala atas riba tu.

Back to AR BNS...mungkin their marriage can still be salvaged..pi la counselling laki bini. Orang laki ni dia taknak dengar bila bini yg cakap..cakap keling botol lagi dia percaya dari cakap bini. Also, not to mention ego..I kesian kat AR BNS sebenarnya..she must have been so desperate that dia rasa ni jelah jalan keluar untuk dia rasa cam pompuan.

Ngertik?

*ArianaRose Bukan Nama Sebenar