Trauma

At first i was in denial....nehhh....i don’t think she’d ever leave...She seemed attached to Baby X. She got along very well with Little D and the cats as well. She didn’t talk much and she could cook very well. OK la, kemas rumah tu out sikit and memandangkan she’s much older than us, kengkadang nak suruh buat itu ini pun i segan. I felt comforted with her around since she has more experienced with babies, it’s like having an aunt or an older sister around. I selalu dok berangan how nice it’d be if she’d stay with us forever and ever.

MG and i akan seperti biasa dily daly kat bilik like any other weekend and turun bawah kul 9...i went downstairs and the house was quiet. The curtains were still drawn, the cats were out (big no no), the back door was slightly ajar and she was nowhere to be seen. Check2 bilik tengok bag and baju semua yilek pocik! I seperti heroin filem hindustan sambil memegang baby X meraung, ‘bibik dah takde!!’..sib baik la tak diikuti oleh kilat sabung menyabung. Then, i went into zombi mode (or robot, whichever). Sendiri mandi, then mandikan Little D and Baby X (MG kata he’s a big boy, boleh mandi sendiri). I supposed like some people who have been struck by tragedy (OK la, some of you may snigger, bibik lari big deal! To me it is!), i needed to cling to routine. So, i whipped out the vacuum cleaner, vacuum atas bawah, mop etc. Tragedy has struck but the house needed to be maintained. Then came to the stage yg asyik nak nangis je. This lasted about 3 days...Cakap ngan neighbours, nangis. Datang kerja nangis dulu....the big nangis came when MG timang2 baby X pas tu cakap, sian baby...bibik kata bibik sayang dia tapi bibik tinggalkan dia.

For 5 days right after sembahyang subuh, i’d be whipping out the vacuum and mop. I also did other bits and bobs...you know, a good 1.5hours of hoswipey work before i went off to my day job. Selalunya pergi kerja kul 8 gak tapi masa dipenuhi ngan golek gelantang atas katil and kenkadang subuh pun subuh set gajah. On the 6th day, i demam...kejap sejuk kejap panas. My dad (my parents came over to look after the baby) said i demam sebab stress....uols jangan tak tau! Mengalahkan kena jilted ngan lover lagi. Dalam kepala otak i seribu satu benda i pikir. Sapa nak jaga baby X. Tak sampai hati nak hantar dia ke nursery and dijangkiti segala jenis penyakit. Biar cukup little D sorang je. Childminder yg ditanya seme dah beratur bebudak yg dijaganya....nursery little D sebelah rumah tak jaga baby lak..aiya!!! I was desperate!! I pi menanya cleaner indon kat office sesapa nak jadi maid temp i sementara my agent ganti lepas raya..ada sorang dua kata nak tapi takleh confirm for another week pulak. In the meantime, my house was starting to smell of cats. I encouraged 2 ekor tu to spend as much time outside the house. Less shedding in the house. I said to my mum alangkah bagusnya kalau Melly pun boleh jenjalan on her own without getting lost. My mum said, even kalau anak sendiri pun, tak seme sama. Ada yang cerdik, ada yang lembab, ada yg sense of directionnya teruk...Hish tu macam i je bunyinya...but i don’t have whiskers do i???

Then came the anger stage. Amboi2, mentang2 la aku ada bagi duit kat ko pasal harijadi ko, ko guna duit tu utk lari ye? Banyak cantik! Aku baru terpikir nak belikan ko ring ring card so that ko boleh call anak ko raya ni. Pas tu aku pun nak suggest kita hantar milo kat anak kecik ko umur 8 tahun tu. Mesti dia suka! Bukan ke last week aku belikan ko seluar dalam? Selai 12 inggit tau, mahal dari maam punya sendiri. Ko kata suka durian, aku pun pi beli durian. All i wanted was for you to be happy working for us, tak leh nampak ke? Aku bagi susu ko balas tuba...

Seminggu lebih kepemergian bibik, me with my mata merah like mummera (i sakit mata rupanya. I tak tau until i terperasan, awat baby X nya mata pun merah?? Duh!) began to accept that yes, she’s gone. She’s not coming back. Although she left in such a hurry, i should be thankful that she chose a Saturday when both MG and i were at home. I don’t think dia pi jadi minah karan (not at her age) or pi kerja2 kat restaurant..she’s a little bit timid for that. I think she missed her children so much that she’s gone back to Medan, maybe for good, maybe just for raya. Of course there must be a dalang who must have assisted her in her bid for freedom.

I wish her well. Obviously i would like to know the reason for her leaving but if she should be back i would welcome her with open arms because frankly speaking she was the best among the 3 maids i’ve had so far. Too bad i tak sempat nak mintak dia masakkan soto. Damn!

I spoke to my colleagues yg majoritynya seme anak sorang, paling max pun 3 org and we are heavily dependent on our maids??? Why? Why is it we are so tempang without them? My sister has 4 kids, and she has survived all this while without one. Sure, the kids dok merata2 transit here, day care there etc. while waiting for her to regroup them at 6.30pm and balik rumah. Then she would terkocoh2 cook dinner, do the laundry etc. But something has to go....with my sister, it is the cleanliness of the house....without prior notice if nak dtg bertandang, you’d be met with rumah yg macam tongkang pecah. Baju tak berlipat sebanyak 5 bakul, toys and old newspapers merata2 and habuk atas lantai boleh tulis. Nak katakan she catches up with the housework over the weekend, tak jugak. They’d happily go jalan2..Maybe that’s it...i am not willing to let the tidiness of the house go or spend all weekend cleaning it. For a good 3 years masa MG and i single mingle takde anak, i would spend my Sunday cleaning the house (masa tu Saturday kerja lagi)...i would be tired and grumpy and by noon bila seme kerja dah siap, i’d just be too tired to jenjalan. MG resented that i was no fun to be around and i was displeased with the fact that i had to do all the cleaning up myself. There was no quality time to be had.

Therefore, my colleagues and i have agreed that our motto shall be to (do well in our career) earn substantially so that no matter how much the cost of hiring a maid may rise in the future, we would still be able to afford one. We are pretty sure the other halves would say, tak yah la..mahal sangat, we can manage without one....ho ho ho..those are the famous last words. I’m sure it’s us women that’ll be at the losing end. No, i don’t need diamonds or rubies, i just want a maid.

P/S I got my office cleaner to temp for me. I have been at home all this week..she’s OK with baby X, if only that little thing would take up the bottle easily. Mentang2 i dah dok kat rumah lama, ngada2 tak nak bottle. Hish! Nanti maid temp lari kang..aiyo! I hope not. We’re paying her 600 inggit uols! Kemas rumah, lipat baju and jaga baby je...

Plus points about takde maid:
1. I started to get reacquainted with baby X. Selain mandikan, i also get to massage her like i always did with little D.
2. Tak larat makan plus buat kerja rumah sure helps me to lose weight compared to pegang remote astro je.
3. I have to start cooking again....menambat hati or menyiksa hati suami???
4. I know what is in my own fridge...

Stesen rosak

They say trouble comes in 3's:

1. chicken pox, chicken pox, chicken pox
2. in-house ex-pat sudah lari!
3. sakit mata (plus sakit hati obviously)

So, harap maaf, siaran tergendala sebentar...

Serious mode

I am extremely sleepy. I am fighting the urge to just take out my cushion and blanket and curl on my carpet and have a snooze. There's hardly anyone around. The PA's on leave, my next door colleague is busy attending her clients and my little boss has been lured to Ike@ by her husband. Lest you think that we here makan gaji buta saja, rest assured (especially you MG), when we work, we really work hard. Try juggling between seeing clients, lecturing and supervising the trainees, doing research (supposedly. Bab ni i lemah sikit) and doing admin work. If we here do not have the freedom to sekali sekala disappear or indulge ourselves in sesi tenggiling, i would have gone crazy a long time ago. This job which allows this flexibility (unofficially. Don't let the biggest boss know about this) is what made me decided a long time ago that i would not have it any other way. If i do indulge myself in sesi tenggiling, i may risk being left all alone here until night time kalau tak terdengar alarm berbunyi and with no one to kejutkan i.

Just a moment ago i surfed the Air@sia website...tengok2 for any good bargains etc. Planning for holidays excites me. Out of 10, mungkin satu je yg menjadi. You see, i married a man who is into military precision. There is no such thing as grabbing the RM15.99 ticket to KB at the click of the button. By the time MG tengok schedule kalau boleh ambik cuti, check internet 10kali for the best hotel, things to do etc., that best deal yg RM15.99 most probably dah jadi RM159.99! Humph! That's what happened to the KB RM400 for 3 adults and 2 kids airfare deal. MG couldn't decide dan dan tu jugak if he can/wants to come along, therefore at the click of the mouse i'm going with a friend and he's looking after the kids, haha.

One factor that contributed to my sleepiness today was because of this information i had from a colleague. According to this little birdie, 1 senior colleague of ours has commented that i am not serious at work (or rather at workplace B) so unlike the Baung. He also said that he's going to have a word with me. My bubble was burst. It's true, i'm not a serious person. I have to keep myself amused or else i'd go crazy. Nak je cakap kat si Mamat tu, well hello, for your info, Baung complaints all the time about having to go to workplace B. (FYI, just because i was back at work last week, he excused himself from the thurs afternoon session at workplace B). He grumbles all the time about not having enough support dlm segala bentuk etc. and wants me to threaten the establishment that kalau tak dapat support by so and so we'll withdraw our services. Haiyoh! Still this is not about the Baung...this is about me, the class joker...itu la, kalau banyak gelak either you tembam (terlebih angin) atau people question your credibility at work. I guess, instead of gelak cam pontianak yg confuse, i should start grubling, just to appear serious. That kept me awake last night.

So this morning i came in and announced to the little boss, from now onwards since i dah kena tegur, i'll be in a serious mode. So, if i shut my office door, keeping quiet, i may not necessary be doing anything wothwhile, but you bet i'll be serious about it! If that guy does come to me to have 'a quiet word' with me, i will resist the temptation to kick his balls (how dare he!) and just say, i have lost the zest for teaching or operating, in fact of doing any work at all. All i want to do is to go home and tido or watch Astr0. But since, i have my hutang keliling pinggang, i just have to carry my big arse to work every morning, still.

(The little boss and next-door colleague said, what?? You're going to be in a serious mode??? So boring lah!! Well, at least i know i'm loved by some people, me the class joker)

Lelaki, laki dan dot dot dot

My desperate hoswipe cousin no.1 called me last week utk mengadu tentang anak and laki dia. Her youngest child is sitting for SPM this year. Kisahnya budak ni suka nak berglamer...for a start i don't actually blame her because maknya i.e my cousin yg galakkan..but takkan nak kata 'i told you so' because i pun tak pernah bagi tau kat my cousin 'elo, what are you doing?' kan..criticise the way people bring up their children tengok2 anak awak yg tak jadi nanti.

This girl walaupun dah dekat nak SPM, masih bersibuk2an dlm some fan club of reality tv star. Pi trip and lepak2 sana sini dgn the other f c members. Mak pak budak ni bangga anaknya boleh bergaul dgn people yg way lebih tua dari dia..kononnya dia pandai menyesuaikan dirilah..galakkan sangat sampai mak sanggup jadi drebar ke sana sini, beli or tempah baju glamer utk anak pi photo shoot dgn artis tu...but they forgot that these people dah takde nak sit for any exams! So budak ni sekarang memberontak bila mak kenakan curfew dah tak boleh nak ikut the fc activities until lepas SPM. I setakat dengar je lah kan..takkan nak kata nak melentur buluh biar dari rebung or nasik dah jadi bubur ke....seriously, in school, i was a nerd. Dgn specs plastik besar macam goldfish (seriously la kan, jaman2 tu apsal la our parents made us wear those kind of Miss Courtney (mind your language) specs?). I suka lepak kat rumah, kalau tak baca buku, i baca buku cerita...sebab tu la i socially inept sampai sekarang agaknya.

Anak tak happy pi komplen kat paknya. And paknya pulak kalau between anak and isteri will side the anak. Walaupun isteri dilimpahi wang ringgit emas permata pelbagai, sakit gak hati bini kalau sampai ada anak yg dah tua bangka dah kerja and tinggal rumah asing pun pak suruh maknya yg ironkan baju bebudak ni...and do their laundry for them. And this is just the tip of the iceberg...kalau mak tegur anak, pak akan tanya why mak nak keriau2 kat anak..obviously my role was just to listen...kalau ikutkan hati nak je kata ces, jantan jenis membesarkan dot dot dot je..but kalau berbuih mulut you kata something pun tu tetap laki dia kan...

I told MG that kalau la laki i jenis cam tu, mau i karate je. Doesn't matter la bawak balik emas permata..my self pride is just too big.

Kejap ada kejap takde

I was off work again last Friday, baby X pulak kena chicken pox. Sekarang ni cycle dah complete kat rumah so hopefully no more pox-day-off anymore. Lainlah kalau boleh jangkit kat cats kan...speaking of cats, Melly has been extremely naughty! She keeps on peeing atas cushion, newspaper, rug tak usah cakaplah...at first i kesian because of her incontinence dia mungkin tak sempat ke litter boxnya..but now ni i rasa dia saja testing kat mana2 nak melepas. My nose is always blocked, i can't detect pee smell even if she were to pee on me. So now MG has appointed himself as the PSI hehe..pee scene investigator. I prided myself that the house doesn't smell of cats as testified by my friends, but now i'm not so sure anymore....obviously we have given in quite a lot to the cats: 2,3 bijik kerusi rosak diaorg cakar, baju lekat bulu diaorg, curtain berlubang2, poket rabak (beli food and litter, bawak klinik, beli toys etc. and not mentioning ambik maid primarily for the reason that we need someone to vacuum the house everyday once the kids arrive) but a house that smells of pee? I don't think so!

Still trying to finish off the dry, boring lecture...but my concentration span is at the most 30 mins. Lepas tu mulalah gatal nak buat benda lain yg lebih memberangsangkan (OK Esah, i don't go that far) such as blog hopping etc. When i was an undergrad, there was this lecturer yg bagi lectures on Embryology. Bukan saja topik sungguh membosankan, she also tend to mumble to herself. But it was an important subject, we got examined on it. But being me, i still attended the lecture because attendance was compulsory, kalau tak tak dapat dok exam. But i would always write letter during that time. Lagipun masa tu mana ada email2 kan. There was this kiasu guy name Geoffrey..once i was sitting behind him in the lecture hall and dia pandang belakang 2,3 kali kat i. Habis je lecture dia mintak nak pinjam 'notes' i..nah hambik 'surat chenta' ku Geoffrey!

Masa i student, i baca buku depan tv sambil meniarap. A lot of the times, buku and tv akan tengok i because nescaya i akan tertido. I am not a genius but i think god has been kind to me, i would like to think.

My little boss called me to her office this morning and nak membagi tugasan...she said i'll try to make it quick because i can see that your eyes are starting to get glassy...Ada sekali tu ada lah minah hyper kat sini panggil meeting..for a start i was against that meeting pasal well, she wasn't in charge of that project pun tapi set2 yg gila kuasa terus take over. It went on and on and i was damn sleepy...so i excused myself konon2 cam nak pi toilet and sebenarnya i tido kat office..hehehe...

Random ramblings

I have been trying to prepare this lecture since last week. It is such a dry subject! When giving lectures, i like to make them interesting by diselang seli kan dgn own experince etc. This would perk the trainees up. Everybody likes a good story, esp. kalau yg ada berbau2 gossip tu. But this lecture i'm working on, no way can i selit2kan cerita. Unless i put in a slide yg takde kena mengena dgn topic...When i'm giving a lecture of a very dry subject, when i see people yawning, far from being offended, i feel like i have offended them and sometimes i do apologise (door mat!)

Anyway, i'm leaving the office in 10 mins. Am meeting up with the desperate hoswipe cousins of mine for some R&R. Dah lama tak jumpa diaorg, since i delivered baby X. I do feel guilty because whenever i go to meet them, i mesti sampai rumah between 7-730pm. I mean Baby X or Little D are not going to be permanently scarred just because i take a few hours off to have some fun, kan? But i guess it's just normal for a mother to feel so.

A staff commented that i have lost some weight and i felt slightly embarrassed. If that person only knew how much i eat..esp. at breakfast time. Dgn selection of kuih yg dekat 2 dozen, it's hard to limit oneself to just sekeping dua. Anyway, i fikir, ni tak boleh jadi ni..kalau masa breakfast pun dah mentekedarah, maunya by the end of the month i akan membelon. So, in the morning i avoid the canteen totally or kirim kat staff je. Obviouslylah disebabkan malu i would only ask for satu karipap and satu apam..idak le satu karipap sardin, satu karipap ayam, pau kacang, apam, cekodok 4 etc. etc. I am a fat person trapped in a er..medium build body..no matter how much weight i might have lost, i'd still feel conscious people watching me eat.

For e.g. kalau kat kenduri kahwin, if i nak tambah lagi (yg selalunya pun kalau hari tu ada kenduri kahwin, MG and i would be starving because satu hari tak makan apa2, tunggu nak pi kenduri je), i would definitely send MG to the buffet table to get it for me. segan nak pi ambil sendiri because terasa2 org kata, wah! no wonderlah tembam! If i were to go to hotel buffet pulak, kalau boleh i'd make sure that i get a table yg dekat2 dgn buffet bar supaya bila nak ulang alik tu tak payah lalu celah2 orang ramai. Once when i was an undergrad, bila naik bas kenkadang tu kat belakang tiket tu ada coupon, buy 1 free 1 pizza from Pizza hut. i remembere that once, my friend and i ordered 1 large pizza, obviously got another large one free yg kononnya nak tapau bawak balik. pas tu because our pizza sampai lambat and other hangit sikit at the crust, the management bagi lagi another one free. so we had 3 large pizzas between the 2 of us! Although my friend ni kurus kedengking, dia kuat makan! Mengalahkan bagai ada membela je! I was sure the waiter gave me a filthy look when delivering the pizzas to our table. Apa nak buat, kan? Nasib si budak tembam.

Fat Cat Diary 5

Monty didn't come home last night. When i was walking Melly yesterday evening as soon as i got back from work, he was around. I saw his big fat face peering at me from the hedges. i know he was up to no good. Selalunya he'd come bouncing to greet me and gesel2 badan kat kaki i. But when he doesn't want to be found and has his own agenda, he would usually lay low. But i was not worried, i just left one window open last night and if he was hungry he'd come home. I asked the maid this morning if she had seen him in the house but she said no, was begining to get worried. Ye la, houses here takde pagar. Even though stray dogs are rarely to be seen, Monty had been chased by them once. With nothing to fence the intruder out, he was lucky that my neighbour was around then to shoo the dogs away. I thought, OK, sebelum pergi kerja ni kena pi cari si tembam. But as i was getting ready, i heard a familiar sound of bunyi loceng, and there was the fatty outside my bedroom door. Mummy's boy has come home.

I took Melly to the vet last week. She's still peeing once every hour. The vet told me that in 70%of cats, the cause of FLUTD (feline lower urinary tract disorder) is idiopathic. Basically, we don't know what causes her bladder to play up. She was given some more of the cystaid medication, 2X sehari. Stress!!! But as long as she gets better. On second thoughts, she is behaving much better at ubat time. What i do is to open up the capsules, pour the content into 3ML of milk and syringe it into her mouth. With lots of baby talk (I know I'm mad) and a coat brush afterwards.

Btw, i am seriously thinking of changing the pronounciation of her Ugi's name to U-ji instead of U-gi. Ugi comes from the word Ugly...ok, that's bad of me, but doesn't mean i love her any less (well, ok, Monty's my favourite). Little D calls her U-ji...and i don't think she's that bad looking anymore...if you look real hard, she has put on weight thus her face is rounder, she has some pointed hairs on her ears (like a lynx's), she has the softest voice and her coat is always so shiny.
I would have liked her name to be spelt Oogy..at least it's cute...but when MG took her for her first vaccination, he wrote down her name on the card at the vet as Ugi (such little imagination he has...) thus lekatlah ejaan tu. Ugi does everything in slow motion...for e.g. kalau nak masuk rumah after her walkies, she'd be doing it so slowly and 10 ekor nyamuk sempat masuk rumah sementara nak tunggu dia masuk ikut pintu.