Little D and i tried something new last night..we banished ourselves from the double bed onto the floor to avoid more kid-flying incident (3 is definitely enough!).Despite having two semi thick duvets, my back still hurts from last night not including my nose - little D mentang2 she has more space to berlasak, she headbutt me on my nose bridge. Mr gig bersenang lenang atas katil sorang2 macam king (of Swaziland menunggu gundiknya), idak le dia nak berasak2 dgn we all kat bawah ni..hummph! Talk about cinta sejati!
I woke up quite late, talking about Monday blues, kul 9 pagi baru nak drive pergi kerja...cam bapak punya company je. Dah la tu bawak keta cam ala2 bersiar kat taman tasik titiwangsa ...i must say, ever since i've become a mother, i have stopped this habit of overtaking every car i come across infront of me..either that or the 3 accidents have made me slightly paranoid.
Anyway, sambil drive lenggang lengguk and mendengar stesen radio i dok terfikir, if i were to pass on, what is it i want to get off my chest or do..definitely:
1. I would tell Mr Gig that despite my interim moaning of how i impikan to marry a mat saleh i would still choose him if i have to marry all over again...mungkin ke i ni am a sucker for punishment or it may be hard to find someone that can tolerate my carut mencarut, my adverse dislike to mandi during weekends (oops dah ter-air dah my dirty linen in public), and one who would readily feed me yg appetitenya mengalahkan a camp of refugees.
But i would also tell him, in the event of my demise, he would inherit the insurance money yg sebanyak taik idung tu..but should he use it to meminang anak dara with pert b***s, and nip*** pointing upwards and pinkish (as he would constantly verbally remind me of his angan2), i would definitely come back as hantu jerangkung (i shall emphasise and not the cute casper type)and scare the shit out of him.
2. I would remind my best friend at work to kawin je ngan Mr Gig for the welfare of little D. This friend of mine hasn't got any bad bones in her at all. Btw, Mr Gig pernah mimpikan dia in blue nightie.,..apa ke jadahnya??
3. I would write to the singing diva who not so long ago married a Datuk old enough to be her dad even though she potrayed herself as pompuan melayu terakhir,at the end of the day,she is no different from any of us yg kononnya pompuan materialistik ini.
4. I would laugh at my ex's face yg dulunya sangat mengagung2kan diva tu tadi....dan jugak like batteries, size does matter! (ish..mana aku tau ni??? Pura2 buat muka innocent)
5. Dan jugak kat Mr Gig yang fancied the diva last time..ada ke Mr Gig pernah kata si diva tu has good fashion sense???? Yeah...as good as those rowdy, selebek, jumper panjang ke lutut new-age traveller of Glastonbury dari zaman i A-Levels kat situ dulu.
6. I would tell my closest cousin yg selama ni i dok heran bila dia makan nasik there'll be some nasik terlekat kat bibir dia...every time! I mean, she's a GM wife and all that...takkan laki tak nah tegur kut??
7. And my other cousin that bila decorate her house ala2 inggeris dengan bangganya...i rasa yg floral2 ni dah lama kena chuck out dah...they call it chintz ye Han?? So, 80's! Lepas tu mana ada org dah yg buat duvet cover sepesen dengan cushion and curtain??? Eiii..jahatnya aku ni mengomel...tapi kasi can la..kan i dah nak mati ni...
8. Cakap kat stewardess2 airline national kita that it's allright you can greet me good morning tak yah nak bagi salam just because i pakai tudung...in fact i lebih org putih dari uols , you know..! and tell me memang pesen eye shadow biru and ala2 dari 5 batu jauh dah nampak masih in lagi ke?? (ada ke bekas2 org yg pernah bekerja dlm aeroplane nak terangkan kat i pasal misteri eye shadow biru ni?? Matila aku tengah high & mighty mode ni)
9. And to stewardess airline yg menawarkan tambang murah tu dan mungil2 begitu (really love this mungil word!), i know skirt you all mesti ketat, tapi pakai la G-string!!! VPL is soooooo off-putting!
10. And last but not least to ex-presenter yg kawin dengan adik politician yg baru dapat anak dan dah debab dengan gamaknya....tak payahla nak telan2 jamu, diet2 or pi slimming programme yg ridiculously expensive nak kurus....kan awak tu dok kat rumah je..? Apa kata you breastfeed la anak you tu..lagi senang to lose weight, furthermore anak pun dapat all the goodness of mother's milk..(ewah, makcik emotional lak ni..kalau uols nak tau, before makcik pregnant with little D, my weight was 74kg, then naik 82kg, then turun to 63kg! No jamu, no pantang nothing..but now ni dah cam nak tembam balik dah because i tgh gila baking.
OK la uols..takat ni ke makcik nak buat dosa mengumpat hari ni...
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