Sembang kosong

I have been preoccupied. Banyak sangat kerja tertunggak from the end of the 'cuka getah' course. Results berterabur. Analysis tak habis2 lagi. My 'clouds' have just found their connection to one another. Now rasa cam nak muntah mengadap benda ni day in day out. But next motnh ada exam on 'cuka getah'. Aiyok! Tinggal lagi dua minggu je cuti sekolah. Little D is not so little anymore, she's gonna be in Std. 1. Apa2 pun tak prepare lagi..baju, buku, bag, kasut sekolah??? (sekolah mana satu pun gua tak tahu! Err..ni ada masalah logistic sikit …lain kali cerita). Now i'm in a middle of some workshop. Setiap sorang kena present. The younger ones sort of 'bullied' me into presenting my stuff ahead of anyone else. Ala…Cik Kiah dah siap...Cik Kiahlah pergi dulu…kesian kat kitaorg. Nyampah tau! Haa…pastu padan muka korang ye….petang tu je gua boleh pi naik river cruise…makan ikan bakar…turun lenggang2 lepas bfast today (eh but how come i'm still earlier than most people? You can take the girl out of public school but you can never take the public school out of her….hehe..muntah kayap meluat uols kan??)
My colleagues aka bffs have been great. They are there for me, fullstop. They helped me to connect my clouds, in my studies, personal life, mummydom, cattydom etc. I had some sort of seminar a few weeks ago. Sepelaung je dari rumah. We girlies decided to grab the kids (and maids of course) and let them have the hotel experience. Spending some time with Little D and BabyX have been exceptionally good ever since i started to breathe, eat and sleep my studies. Dok kat rumah pun i have my own 'office' / boundary. I told them whenever mummy is here at mummy's desk, you can't talk to me or kacau me ok? This is my office i cakap. So selalu jugak they talk to my handlah kan. Once i overheard Little D telling Baby X, ni office kakak. Jangan cakap dgn kakak…aiyoyo..Then when it gets too much i pun turun ke kitchen and tengok apa boleh dibake. Then cake mengada2 and decide to tak menjadi. Ngadakan? (i really need to enrol into a baking school. Bilalah nak habis what i'm doing now ni? Hmm..but i'm already thinking of a short certificate or diploma course on autism or anything along that line…)
Speaking of lifetime learning ni kan…..(not talking about PhD..no no no!)…in my opinion, everyone can and should do it. People keep on saying, eiii! Cannot! My brain sudah tua…I've had enough after my first degree (or i have had enough after SPM?). I nak dapatkan first degree i dulu pun siksa ok! Kata orang tu lah. You can learn utk suka2 for e.g. acik2 yang kat luar sana nak belajar bertenet pasal nak kongsi resepi (or mengadu domba)..(tapi laki tak galakkkan pasal takut terjumpa boipren lama). I would say, go for it! Open a new door for yourself…do something new selain dari mengulit anak kucing and laki (worse, nanti kena bela cucu – bukanlah satu pekerjaan yang tidak murni but you know some kids…nanti kang take advantage pula katas kebaikan mak bapak kan?). Then for some people yang digalakkan utk sambung belajar…speaking from my own experiencelah ye..contrary to what Esah like to think, i was not a terribly pandai student. I didn't sail through school…i was quite bengap..it was hard for me to grasp the lessons most of the times. OK la my SRP was all tiang lurus, but then masuk form 4 and then 5, i was miserable when having to do physics. I could barely tolerate chemistry, i hated peta topo, i sucked at Maths..my bm teacher hated my meringkas karangan. I could just about tolerate biology and i was ok at English. Other than that? Eiiii! Tak sanggup gua! But then, when i did my A-Levels, somehow, maths was fun. Add Maths was kacang. I was ace at chemistry…equation inorganic chemistry tu tutup mata pun boleh buat. In biology, i was always at top of the class. Probably the teachers made learning 'fun' – certainly the atmosphere in class was more relaxed. Cikgu bukan set2 jeling2 kat you and bila pissed off dgn laki she'll take it out on you kind of thing. Nak jumpa cikgu anytime boleh..because the classrooms were their office..takda konsep dok reramai dalam staffroom pas tu bila kita nak jumpa cikgu, masuk staffroom macam rasa masuk gladiator arena. Or it could also be that i was older so otak dah matured sikit nak accept and process the lessons.
But then i suffered through my undergrad years. Like i mentioned before, i am not smart…cam setengah orang tu yg orang cakap, 'senang nak tangkap'. Me? No no no..i made it through, through sheer hard work. Subjects yang i suka, i oklah. But then during the first two years, lu terror microbiology or pathology buat apa kan? Bukannya nak dapat BSc or Mbchb ke…Then bila naik tahun 3, 4, 5 pun sama jugak. Subjects yang ada berbau medicine, community, i ok. Subjects yg perlukan kemahiran tangan, oh tidak! Tangan dahlah pengkor…pastu lecturer ada yg garang gila (yg garang gila tu set2 yg rhope cam they have been dragged through the bush backwards..nyampah!). Bila exams, setengah subject score gegila, dapat honours…yg i tak berkenan tu merasalah kena attend pass/fail viva. But thank god, habis jugak dlm masa 5 tahun.
Dah elok-elok 2 tahun makan gaji, mulalah hati ni bagai digaru2. Kept asking myself, is this it? Masuk kerja, balik kerja, day in, day out. Terbayang2 orang lain yg pergi buat Masters. Of course masa tu all thoughts about the 'suffering' masa undergrad dah ingat2 lupa. Surprisingly i enjoyed my masters. It was tough..kena belajar and kerja (jenis yg tak bergaji) at the same time but as an adult student, people treat you with more respect. And i think i am a late bloomer. Stuff yg i belajar masa undergrad tu bila masuk masters i rasa, laaaa, takle susah sangat. I think the 2 years of working experience has also somehow helped…and i keep telling people sapa yang teringin or kena buat masters, go and do it! Choose something you like….takde sapa yg too 'bengap' and cannot pass their masters melainkan oleh sebab2 tertentu like malas pergi class, lecturer/supervisor malas tengok muka you…etc. Especially if you are planning to do one in something that is already in your line of work, you wil not kantoi and you will enjoy it jugak (unless you memang bencik kerja you..dah tu apasai nak buat masters tang tu jugak kan?)
Life is a dynamic process. Mesti ada lifelong learning…tak semestinya along the lines of getting a degree...Mesti ada perubahan kepada sesuatu yang lebih baik. (kalau perubahan cam hari ni nak masak kari, esok masak rendang, hari ni bawak handbag elvavi, esok bawak anak biri2, hujung tahun nak bercuti ke madras, because last year dah pi addisababa…bukan had yg jenis ni ye..). Otak tak boleh dibiarkan stagnant, new neurones must be formed in the brain…
Itu saja ceramah saya untuk hari ini. Semoga berjumpa di lain waktu. Taraaa!

 
P/S Kepada kawan saya ittew, do not underestimate your capability. Jika lulus dgn cemerlang, saya nak handbag malberak satu.