Multi-tasking

Deadlines before 17 May:

1. Get programme files sorted out for internal auditors visit day after tomorrow.
2. Get presentation ready for colleague for the conference in July.
3. Handover conf. bits and bobs to Si Baung and hope he understands what’s going on and tak menghantui hidup aku masa maternity leave nanti.
4. Let Si Baung have material to prepare for Friday all weekend meetings (i’m glad i’d be in hospital by then)
5. 3 official letters to write.
6. Have a filling.
7. Habiskan cerita org minyak.
8. Sempat ke nak jumpa kawan lama for lunch????


Damn i need to prioritise (btw, i’m waiting to be seen by my gynae and laptop battery running low).

Well, no. 7 it is then!

During that time, i think it was around June or July (9 years ago), i was in a dilemma. I had already made plans to do my masters...but then life got oh-so-interesting. Scholarship had been secured, a place in this particular institute had been offered. Nak dijadikan cerita pulak, i secured the place even though i applied at the very last minute, when i went there and became a part time staff after my Masters, i baru tau for every place, waiting listnya dekat 20 org. Dah tu masa tu my cable was cukup besar, the expat staff we had then was very pally with the programme director...so...could i have thrown cautions to the wind and follow my heart?..and i thought i probably deserved it pun...dah belajar main punya lama nak dapat 1st degree, the first 2 years in the UK masa A-Levels kena dok ngan minah saleh psycho, pas tu lepas degree kerja kat sana atas pujukan si siamang yg konon2nya nak sambung buat masters, i terkandas kat sana and dia balik sini berfoya2 dgn segala Minah, Meenachi and Maniam (oops, bi ke?). Berkaraoke ngan GRO atas nama entertain clients..(ish emo tak tentu pasal pulak dgn si siamang..focus woman!).

Anyway, di antara sembang2 kosong or ayat i ngan OM (org minyak) was the fact that i was leaving in Sept no matter what (and dia konon2nya sokong sangat wanita yg berkerjaya ni) and dia pulak aimed to get married in 2000. Any rabun person boleh nampak sangat yg the ‘relationship’ was doomed from the start.

Well sambungan dari ‘sayang, abang nak balik..’ hati Cik Kiah masa tu berdebak debuk in anticipation. Can’t remember how long he said he was coming back for, mungkin one week kut. Prior to his return, the emails were as normal, it didn’t feel as if something was amiss. He came back, he called up to say hi and also to inform me how busy he was and perhaps we’ll meet up sometime midweek. I said no problem tapi dlm hati ‘oh o’. Pas tu adala dia call sekali dua nak bersembang kut...i was a wreck!! I was too proud to suggest that we meet up at the same time berbuih2 mulut i menjampi supaya tefon i berbunyi. Kalau previously tak makan pun i kenyang and i lost so much weight within a week, ni i makan dgn gamaknya!! Semua i bantai, kek, crisps, nasik, pasta..you name it. When my friend tegur i bila makan banyak sangat, ngan kawan tu i rasa cam nak makan. I likened myself to Elizabeth Taylor le kononnya, go on binge eating bila hati gundah gulana, tak taunya makcik tu bila gumbira ada personal trainer and yg aku ni, melekatlah segala fat kat perut, bontot, peha, ketiak.....

One morning he called me up and said, eh, kita belum berjumpa lagi kan..?.(duh!) Well i’m free on so and so...apa kata you buat reservation kat KL Tower, i’ve never been up there..once you’ve secured the reservation, call me back to confirm ye.

What? Ko ingat aku ni secretary ko? And what about my schedule?? Ko ingat aku ni akan free je ke, bila ko petik jari aku berlari datang? Pi raa mabuk..(I wish i said all these, tapi kan i ni ada masalah perluahan perasaan..sampai sekarang tak pandai2 lagi.. benda2 dari 10 tahun dulu pun masih ada yang terbuku di hati, apatah lagi yang set2 yang berlaku this year or last year ke..)

Cik Kiah wanita yang lemah dulu, cakap OK, i’ll check it out. Pas tu letak tefon and dok termenung. Di manakah harga diri ini?? Senang sungguh nak diperkotak katikkan oleh jantan2 siamang. Kalau dulu tak menyempat2 nak jumpa kita and sekarang ni i was asked to TAKE A NUMBER??? What???! Banyak cantik muka dia yang jongos tu! Selepas satu petang terbaring merenung ceiling bilik sambil mengesat2 airmata yg jatuh dek kerana marah yg teramat sgt dgn segala yg terbuku di hati dan makan segala neka keropok dan coklat yg ada di dalam tabung simpanan, dgn hati yg berat but i knew i was doing the right thing....i was saving my dignity di samping mewakili dignity pompuan2 lain yg dipermainkan oleh jantan siamang.

I called him up and said, sorry, for the night that you want tu, they are fully booked lah. And i’m not free on A, B or C. Perhaps we’ll meet up some other time. And he said OK.

Begitulah kisahnya....ingatkan panas hingga ke petang..haha tak pasal2 nak emo pulak ni. But i tell you, i was so devastated then. I really mengikut jejak langkah idol i si Elizabeth tu dan berat melonjak naik macam harga beras kat pasaran sekarang...di samping itu juga, i went out with Mr. A – who was a colleague of my housemate. Nice guy tapi set2 yg dah berkenan and dia nak ajak kawin terus before i fly (i think). Aiyo! Ada sekali tu dia call and cakap, there’s something i nak cakap kat you..i kata sat! Jgn cakap lagi..i tengah nak exam minggu depan (penipu!), pas tu u boleh cakap, tak basi kan??? Pas seminggu i lari tak jawab call dia..ish ish teruk betul perangai Cik Kiah masa tu.

I also went out with Mr B who was a friend of a colleague’s husband. Also nice guy, cool, takde le nak corner2 i atau merimaskan i. I thought, OK, ni macam ada potential, kalu i dah pi UK and bila balik cuti status quo remained for both of us mungkin....? Ish, teruk betulkan masa tu..ingatkan nak kawin je..ye la...umur 26, 27, hormone tengah melonjak2...Yg mamat ni selalu call but we must have gone out twice je kut..sekali tu pi makan seafood kat Bagan lalang dgn the other couple tu..punya la tido jaga tido jaga tak sampai2 lagi.

And guess who la yg tiba2 memunculkan balik diri dia dalam hidup i?? Kalau tak si siamang terunggul tu i.e. ex-chenta agung. Satu malam ketika i berdengkur khusyuk di buai mimpi2 yg penuh dgn makanan yang lazat2 (harmless je kan??? Takde le mimpi naik kpl terbang ke atau pun yg sewaktu dgnnya), i dapat miss call. Anak sapa la pulak yg nak call mlm2 ni kan? Well, walaupun nombornya telah didelete, of course there things yg one dah boleh hafal pasal ECA kita kan? So i pun call la balik (gatai!)..what is it that you want???
I just want to find out how you are..(sesuwatu sangat kan???)
Well i’m fine..
But i’m not really...(and with this statement he really opened the flood gates i tell you)

One thing about being with someone masa jaman2 uni ni, you share mutual friends...so hati ni selalu akan digaru2 mengharapkan sesapa nak sampai kan berita pasal si dia. According to his best mate who happened to be from the same uni as my best mate Ustazah Munah, si siamang walaupun berparty bagi nak rak semenjak dibebaskan dari tahanan i 6 bulan yg lepas, kengkadang mamat ni murung jugak mengenangkan ‘chenta yg hilang’...ayat cam bagus je kan??? Ye la, he thought he could have his cake and eat it too...i was supposed to be this really sporting gofren yg sanggup didua, tiga, empat n lima with any passing bohsia.

Since tak lama lagi pun i dah nak blah, i thought what the heck! So i voluntarily suffered from temporary amnesia dari segala perangai keji dia and this time round i ingat i kebal mebal....no strings attached kata dia. So we saw each other everyday after work, masa couple dulu pun tak macam ni. Weekend pun sama gak..tapi sekali dua tu i terkesima gak whenever he had made some plans with other girls..tapi dgn gigihnya dia akan mengingatkan i yg eh, kata kan kita tak nak any strings attached..?? So weekend2 sebegitu i pun pretend yg i ni pun occupied walaupun cuma menghabiskan masa membuta di rumah sewa Ustazah Munah tengok vcd cite2 romantik pas tu tangkap sayu sorang2. The funny thing was, we weren’t a couple but perhaps we were more relaxed since takde expectation apa2. In fact sampai esok i nak terbang pun he was still spending time with me. Talk about old habits that die hard....we were like a dog and its flea...the latter is bad for the other but tak boleh dipisahkan. Mak i pun ada hidu bau2 that i was ‘seeing’ my ex walaupun after what he did, she wasn’t too keen on him. But she did say, Kiah, if you truly want him, then, tell him so. I know you are a very proud person...OK la mak, ikut cakap mak..and i did! I cakap apa yg terbuku kat hati i...selama 2,3 bulan kitaorg berpeleseran like it didn’t matter to me but it did. So, pick me, choose me, love me...(ni cam scene dlm Gray’s Anatomy pulak). And you know what he said??? 3 years is a long time..anything can happen. (For god’s sake! Boleh tak for once ada org yg ikut hati and perasaan and not common sense? Eh perasannya i! Entah memang dia takde perasaan kat i, kan?). So pergilah i ke UK despite of so many ‘ifs’meninggalkan debu2 peleseran yg tak mendatangkan habuk pun..

OK to cut this story short, i’m never one to follow my heart...
Mak i selalu cakap, kita pompuan kena ada education, job security, and social standing...chenta, boipren, laki, tak boleh kenyang and bila2 boleh lari. But i do envy those ladies who feel secure enough to ‘let go’. Tapi apa nak buat i dah dari kecik dah diprogram dek mak i. But i thank god yg i ni jenis set yg boleh focus. Masa i kena dump ngan first boipren i, it was 2 weeks to A-levels (results cantik – boleh tak i nak masuk bakul sendiri???), then lagi 2 bulan to my part 1 specialist exam yg i berabih terbang balik ke London i kena dump ngan ECA, sib baik aku pass. Moral of the story, i muak bila i baca satu ruangan akhbar melayu on Sunday ni (muak tapi lagi mau baca) dari ruang agony aunt jadi ruang luahan hati org2 yg kena dump: e.g. aku bertemu A di bandar J, berpeleseran di pantai K, pas tu tup2 kena tinggalkan. Apa salah aku? Aku rasa cam nak mati, tak lalu nak pi kerja or rasa2nya SPM kantoi ni...

Aiyo, move on la kan! Kumbang bukan seekor, kalau tak dapat yg badak, cari pulak jenis ladybird ke..bunga bukan sekuntum, banyak jenis ada...cuba2 la bunga yg baru...Ewah, sempat lak Cik Kiah jadi agony aunt sekejap.

Well, when i was there studying and kebosanan, hari Sabtu dihabiskan dgn menengok tv dari pagi (children’s BBC) sampai ke malam (yg dimulai dgn Blind Date and then tah hapa2), org2 di Msia yg ditinggalkan tu banyak cerita rupanya:

1. I thought i needed closure from Org Minyak so i sent him a lengthy email asking him ‘why did you break my heart so’...of course not and takde berbau2 sebegitu langsung. Tapi memandangkan dia ni pandai le jugak sebenarnya, dia cepat tangkap. Dia kata father dia baru meninggal, dia mintak tukar KL bla bla. (then i got an email from my bro yg menanya kat i you bukan keluar ke dgn si polan2 ni? You know what, he’s tackling the same girl i’m after..i said elo bang! We went out a few times, that hardly made him my boipren, yg ngadu2 kat i ni wat apa? Fight your own battles lah). So that was that, it was fun while it lasted.

2. Mr. A – selepas takdapat menanya soalan cepumas tu pada i dia pun sedar sendiri and telah ditangkap oleh pompuan lain di tempat kerja dia. Dlm sekelip mata even before i blah pun dengar cite dia kahwin and wife mengandung and tak berenti2 mengandung selepas tu (my god, kalu i terkawin ngan mamat ni, masters tah kemana, and anak keliling pinggang, setaun sorang...shit!)

3. Mr. B – he was a gentleman...masuk je sebulan i kat UK, dapat le email dia that said something like this, ‘Cik Kiah, i don’t know how to say this, but i’m getting married end of this year. I knew her through work, i hope you’re OK about this.’ Tersengih i membaca email dia..relaxla, it’s not as if kita dah berjanji sehidup semati..tapi terpikir gak i..wa..wa..masa dia sibuk mengabiskan prepaid card dia menelipon i bermain kayu tiga, sempat lagi pasang jerat satu lagi. Last i heard this guy pun dah beranak 3 atau 4. (God is great...dia tau i bukan jenis yg boleh cope beranak keliling pinggang. I’m much too...lembab, yes, that’s the word).

4. ECA – 5, 6 bulan pas tu i dengar cite dia berpacaran dgn budak berhingus belum habis belajar lagi. Tup tup depa bertunang....aaa??? Tapi sempat lagi bertelepathy ngan i yg kat UK tu...talk about Siamang who never loses his bulu...

SO, i’ve finished task no.7 (memang potong steam je citenya kan?), no. 8 kena cancel (ces!) therefore, tempat no. 8 kena ganti ngan no.6 petang ni..takut!