Update 2

Baby X is not well…she has the HFM disease. She picked it up from her boyfriend aka neighbour’s son yg tua 2, 3 bulan saja. From him la anak I tu tau belajar kissing (or sayang and dia akan kiss dgn mulut ternganga. And shut up Esah, I know what you are about to say). He must love her so or at least like her very much kerana sanggup meminjamkan toys dia pada Baby X. Ada je toy foreign yg Baby X akan bawak balik. Anyway, yesterday I called up MG at the office and broke to him the news about the infection…MG terdiam sekejap…he was feeling guilty because about 3 weeks ago before dia berfoya2 kat Phuket he had the disease…I don’t know where he’s been sticking his hand or mouth for that matter.When he told me I cepat2 balik rumah from the office and stripped off all the bed sheets, towel etc. , pindahkan barang2 MG to the other bedroom…no touching the kids, kids not to sit on the sofa. I guess my cross infection control berjaya…until la boipren si kecik tu kena and the rest is history. Sekarang ni que sera sera je la.
I had to attend a meeting to ‘membincangkan pasal research’ since I ni dah jadi student balik kan. I was nervous….i didn’t know where the place was, my supervisor thought it would be good for me ‘to meet people’. Little that he know I am always nervous about meeting new people and kalau boleh I just want to be part of the furniture. Laa…those people who attended the meeting were mostly students doing their masters, muka muda2 belaka, some tu looked like they haven’t even passed their puberty. They were talking in languages I don’t understand : IHC la, genome la, entah apa2 C lagi and the title of my project is soooo simple that I think I need to add on my car plate number WRC to it to make it look gah. Obviously there was refreshments afterwards which of course I cabut asap clutching my handphone talking loudly to a pretend person kononnya cam ada emergency ß sicko!
I call this as myself having problem with self esteem. I am a people pleaser or doormat is the other name for it. From there I rushed to workplace A, dok bertapa kat cafeteria for another half hour or so, hiding basically. I told my little boss that I won’t be joining for the dept. meeting but kalau terserempak dgn dia of course I akan kata ye je. I attended another meeting because the person chairing it had asked me to…but for 2 hours, I was just a pretty face there…angguk, senyum and gelak at the appropriate time.
I find it difficult to say no to people. Daripada yg memintak derma walkathon ke sampai la suh attend meetings… satu lagi bab2 yg kena melawat org kat hospital ni…my MIL has the habit of telling me so and so masuk hospital kat workplace B, kalau I ada masa pi la menjenguk. Aiyayai….once the uncle I was to visit had a stroke. He couldn’t recognise me let alone talk. And anak dia yg meneman tu pun tak pernah jumpa i….just imagine I yg sungguhnya pemalu ni kena make small talks dgn budak bujang ni yg must be thinking who the hell this woman was. Recently, kena pergi melawat sekali lagi atas ‘permintaan’ MIL jugak…I gave myself 15 mins (buat cukup syarat je) but tup2 stayed on sampai 2 jam because the uncle’s wife pot pet pot pet….it’s better this way, I just needed to nod and smile. (Herannya, MG terlepas pulak daripada kena buat kerja2 masyarakat ni). Then, my dad once called and told me that my cousin from kampung yg kena breast cancer tu tengah nazak…why don’t i…..mula2 memang I tak ‘rela’ nak pergi. I didn’t know what to say in that kind of situation. But then my sister called and told me how they (the cousins) were so proud of watching me on tv (that time) that heboh satu kampung, itu sepupu teman tu…How can I not go, kan? Not because I ni cam celebrity ke but because they are my suku sakat, not to lupa asal usul and walaupun benda kecik camtu I buat but they were so proud of me. Bila nak balik and the sister peluk I and cakap, Cik Kiah, tolong doakan ye….it took me a few seconds to think what to say. My cousin tu dah tenat…takkan I nak cakap, don’t worry, everything will be allright. Delusional ke apa? So I said, I akan doakan yg kita semua tabah nak mengadap pemergian dia. Bernas ke you rasa I cakap camtu?
Baru2 ni, one of my colleagues cakap, Cik Kiah…masa you mula2 start kerja (nearly 10 years ago), you were so kerek. But now ni langsung tak, selalunya org makin lama makin kerek. I see that as a compliment (walaupun dicap kerek satu ketika dulu). A ah…when we were young, tambah lagi baru dapat degree bergelaran, kita memang rasa kita la penyelamat dunia, kita la pemberi afas baru…then bila dah lama sikit, pi study lagi, tambah lagi dgn life experiences, we discover that there are a lot of things out there that we don’t know and there a lot of other people who are much better than us. And this humbled us, or me. So I would like to see myself as padi, makin berisi makin tunduk…..(sorry la Ok, nak gak puji diri sendiri…hehe)

p/s I bersiaran melalui netbook and broadband. Soooo savvy! (walaupun lembab dari org lain)