Update

I really wanted to update right after my announcement but was held up by work, pening kepala, problem and tak cukup tidur. In the meantime, it was good to get Esah all riled up...eleh..dia tu asik berchentaaaa je, pas tu bagi alasan sibuk sokmo..(ye la sibuk buat pie la, pudding la whatever kat pesbuk land).

Thanks to SR, Ayda, FKK and Rad for your comments and support. I was feeling rather down last week. Then something else happened that made that problem seemed miniscule. I was asked by a junior colleague to come look at a client, a baby. He needed some sort of appliance to help him feed. He was a special baby. In the middle of what was a routine procedure, he turned pale then blue..he stopped breathing. I quickly took over, it all happened in less than 15 secs but i nearly lost my cool. Thankfully, we managed to arouse him to start breathing again and got the appropriate people to look at him. What had supposed to be a routine thing had turned to be an incident. The experts couldn't figure out why he stopped breathing..he didn't choke on anything and we didn't use any drugs toi sedate him whatsoever...my two cents was that from birth, due to his inability to feed orally, he had no stimulation to his oral region. well, he has his dummy but nothing as 'forceful' as fingers or hard food etc. I think he was 'overwhelmed' and psychologically the brain decided that's it! Let's tell the respiratory drive to stop and see how they like it...at the end of the incident, i was drained. I instructed the junior to check on him at the ward and at 9 something that evening she called to say that he had been discharged after given the all clear. So that was a relief..

When that happened, i took a step back and reassessed my current situation? Condition? Or daily activies? I have to get back and start seeing my clients regularly again...even a few months of being 'away' has rendered me nearly hopeless in critical situation such as that. My response to the client was quick enough, but i was not swift in giving orders to the supporting staff, i had become 'stale'.
(The baby's mum then told me, 'dia kat rumah pun selalu camni. Kenkadang berhenti bernafas..saya kena sedarkan dia..'..Laaa..now you tell me!

At noon the next day, MG, the kids and I took a flight for a weekend getaway. Idakle sampai memerlukan passport seperti kawan kita tu yg berfoya2 ke london, HongKong dan lasVegas (ataupun Jakarta, Lake toba cam kawan satu lagi) but it was enough for me to realx, chill out with the kids and get things back into perspectives.

Definitely the next 3-4 years will need a lot of sacrifices from me but my children are growing up. It's not as if i will still be a spring chicken when this is all over and i can have another baby to compensate what i've missed out..therefore i've decided that where the kids are concerned, i will still not compromise, not totally.

OKla, enough rambling for today