Ini adalah penimbang T@nita yg hebat...you naik atas dia je and segala mala dia akan bagitau you. Your fat %, water %, muscles, your biological age etc. No, i'm not 56 kg. If i were, i sudah pasti cantik jelita kalah mayakarin dan sudah semestinya director cari i utk berlakun di samping abang aaron dalam cite ombakrindu hari tu. Baru sekejap ni, i bbmed psychotrist i...i menaip sambil air mata meleleh2 and hidung sumbat. Psychotrist i kat London sinun tanya i apesal ko nak nangis pulak? I cakap la yg i bila geram memang akan nangis punya..(not just bila geram, bila i nasihatkan trainees i pun i akan nangis, bila i nengok clients i yg tak cukup sifat pun i nak nangis, i tengok kucing kat gerai makan pun i akan nangis jugak). Al-kisahnya, kawan i ni...i thought i could count on him but i wasn't that sure if i could pasal dia selalu cam happy go lucky je. Tapi i was banking on the fact that i have known him for over a decade...i knew him even when he was a nobody and mamat tak berapa pandai lagi. Anyway, lagipun since dia selalu lepak2 kat bilik office i, keluar makan sama2, berasap sama2, i pun terbuild up lah expectations that we normally do with someone yg kita ingat kawan kita, kan? But today, i asked him favour, and i have never ever asked this type of favour yg memerlukan expertise dia.  I thought i made myself very clear what i wanted from him (although psychotrist i kata i prolly didn't because dia tau i selalu gagap2 kut). Nak dijadikan cerita, he turned me down ( ni pun psy i cakap, he didn't say it clearly, why don't i ask him again) and i was very, very hurt. I didn't want to ask him again kut2 la i assumed he didn't get what i meant, because had the answer been the same, i would be doubly hurt.

Psy i cakap dah dah la ko bermonologue sensorang. Pi jumpa dia nanti and cakap kat dia how i feel. Aiyo kadawale, i ni bukanlah makhluk yg pandai nak meluahkan perasaan hati perut i. Kalau tak idak le dgn laki sendiri pun i asyik memendam rasa. If he was my friend he would try to make ammends la kan but what i'm worried about is that lepas berbelas tahun kawan dgn dia barulah aku tahu betapa dickheadnya dia dan selama ni i membuang masa saja menyemai persahabatan kami...cewah. Lagipun, dengan jantan sebegini, meluahkan perasaan ketidak puashatiaan kita dengan dia ada serupa kita pi bercakap dengan lembu yg makan rumput kat tepi jalan tu. You cakap la until you are blue in the face and at the end of the day, he will just continue eating and pikiaq dlm kepala dia, apalah yg makcik ni bebelkan. Orang macam gini, lebih baik kita put at arm's length saja but when i do that i teringin juga dia terasa dgn ketiadaan i but once again kalau i berharap sebegitu, be prepared lah sekali lagi ego ku tergolek masuk longkang.

Bebaru ni, ada sorang lagi kawan jantan i cakap, don't expect anything from anybody because when you do you might be disappointed kalau tak pun get stabbed in the back ke. So i asked him, adakah you cakap macam tu because if you do disappoint me or stab me in the back in the future, i should just forgive you because you have sort of forewarned me? I beg to differ because kalau i dah kawan dgn orang tu, and here we are not just talking kawan bak kan cam office mates yg sesekali jumpa kat meeting je..but these are people yg choose to sit in your room to lepak or seek you out to ajak makan, or gosspi about other people, i do expect some loyalty in return. Naive kah i? These people that i call friends will forever be under my 'protection', meaning i speak up for them when they are not around and i do things for them when they ask for favours..that's what real friends do. Other than that, you are just a dickhead.

Apakah kaitannya cerita ni dgn penimbang jahanam kat atas tu? Well, read on.

Bebaru ni, i tersedar yg eh, dah lama i tak tangkap gambar sendiri..kenapa ye? Lagi mau tanya ke? Because i'm so fat (and sad) that if there are pictures yg nampak pinggang ke atas, i look like a bison for my top heaviness. And so i thought, ni tak boleh jadi ni..i used to be cantik jelita...ok la kekwat and perasan...i used to look at least presentable. I really have to do something about this...at least bila naik stage for my convo nanti i nak le nampak selim melim mcm madu Esah yg jugak beranak dua tu (pergghh ada hati). OK la..nak tunggu convo tak tau bila lagi..well at least for my 35th birthday end of the year ni (ehem). I have bad eating habits..when i spent all my day at the lab, i used to go down after having breakfast 2 keping roti sapu planta and gula (why? because i suka la!) and then terbit semula kul 4 lebih just in time for zuhur gajah. Masa tu my hands would be shaking and masa ni la i order Makdonal take away lah, makan biskut lah, goreng pisang lah..so unhealthy and fattening. then my lab buddy introduced me to this meal replacement shakes. At least boleh control sikit the hunger..then my friend sorang ni cakap, if you are already on the formula, why not you just get onto the programme properly? Sungguh propa kan kawan i ni yg rhope2nya agent benda alah tu (psst..kawan i yg Mat Surau united Berseri tu..btw, i told him you call him MSU, dia cakap mana ada dia MSU. Dia ada awek la dulu. Nampak sangat ko memang suka sekodeng jantan jalan masuk surau kan? Is it because diaorg pakai kain pelikat ke? you know like the Scots wearing their kilts, with nothing underneath??)

So, satu hari tu si MSU ni pi la ke hulu ke hilir mengusung benda alah atas tu and make people jump on it. My results were: Water content only about 45% and bla bla bla and kesimpulannya i am a big framed obese, with a bigger personality. Of course the latter statement i yg add utk menyedapkan hati i. And get this, my biological age is 64!!! (Baung 20 kau!). OK la, agaknya, i berat dosa kut..banyak bergossip. Kononnya, mamat ni menjadi coach i lah...sungguh bagus...celik2 mata je dia dah whatsapp..don't forget your shakes, take the stairs today, fruits only bla bla..kenkadang rasa nak lempang! I'm miserable not because i'm hungry but because i cannot eat what i want to eat!  Weekends are damn hard! There i was eating grilled tofu and tempeh and anak2ku bantai fries and cheese..lainlah kalau i makan tempeh leh dapat kulit cerah berseri cam ex MB dentist tu. There goes my social life also...OK Esah, no more prawn cocktail Walker's and no more makan cekodok, ubi rebus, lamb chop in one sitting. Yeah yeah, you are 8 feet tall, hence the 8000 cals do not have any effect on you...pastu boleh sesuka hati je lost 4kgs without doing anything. Ko tau tak aku cam nak mati kat sini? Tadi my PIL dropped by and brought the kids some chocs. Then i sakit hati dgn kononnya kawan i tu. Then MSU whatsapp i saying that i'm ready for my 10 day weighing in tomorrow. Then i sakit hati lagi dgn kawan i tu because sebab dia lah tadi i berpesta cekelat dgn anak2 i...

Damn you t@nita!