Pocong kesetanan

 Title takde kena mengena...saja pinjam Esah punya current fav carut word.

Someone asked me recently, eh layak ke you nak bagi marriage advice? Truth be told, it was not merely a question but a snigger. If we are talking about layak in terms of qualifications, if i do have one in marital whatever, i would probably start charging by the minute  (to fill up my bling bling coffers, why not?). Let me put it this way. I don't seek people out to menyibuk about what goes behind closed doors, but people tell me their stories because i listen. And i keep my mouth shut. I offer help in terms of making the situation or whatever symptoms that may arise from the depression, bearable for the person. This may be in the form of a good counsellor, chiropractor, psychiatrist, lawyer or dentist (erk?). Yes, i may write about it here, not because i nak menang carta terunggul in the blogsphere but in the hope anyone in similar situation may want to seek help and know that you are not alone. If you think you have a lousy good for nothing partner, there are others out there who are even worse off than you. And i may change facts slightly to maintain the anonymity of the story teller and me of course.  Just because i may not have the most perfect marriage (who does anyway? Only people who hallucinate or in denial do), does that mean i can't give advice? What experience have i got, you may ask? Suffice it to say, i have learned a thing or two in my four decades (nearly) of life and that my parents or extended families for that matter do not hail from Stepford. We live, we read, we observe, we learn. Unless, all your life you dok baca magazine what car je (for instance) and whenever people like DFadzillahK & co are on tv, you switch to kpop ke (defensive behaviour ni). And i also think that just because you are not being physically or sexually abused by your partner, there's food on the table, anak2 semua disekolahkan, that is enough in a marriage. Some people may think this is enough...i have a friend who 'mengenangkan' yg the wife has never bought him haw flakes...but i do believe he sends this message to his wife via telepathy. Because obviously, she never got it. I have a friend whose husband bila ada chenta terlarang je mulalah berlakon macam hilang ingatan, asah pisau semua. Although he has never actually done any physical harm to her or the kids, he is without doubt abusing them mentally. I asked her to consider about leaving him for the sake of her kids but nope, she chose to stand by him because when it's good, it's good (the sex part probably). Perhaps one fine day when the bad overrides the good, she will see some sense (or have financial stability) and leave him. A male friend told me that a marriage should always be under construction. I agree with him - it needs to be worked at all the time. Sometimes, we get complacent...berbalik pada apa yg kawan i cakap tadi, asalkan tangan kaki tak naik, makan pakai cukup why you want to keriau? I understand that coming from her whose parents were never happy together longer than the half an hour or so needed to buat anak - she had berbelas siblings! Her parents remained married but miserable until their death. And please don't tell me 'I accept it as my takdir'. Let me tell you this: Takdir is when you jaga makan minum, exercise, ambik supplements semua and you still dapat cancer (happened to one of my staff). Takdir is when you drive at 20km/hour and still terlanggar kucing and it died. Or like MJ, dok jenuh tido dlm oxygen chamber kononnya to prolong his life but he still died due to polypharmacy.What takdir is not is when dah tau laki orang, you still nak bermain chenta and oopsss...terkahwin. You tak jaga makan, ambik ubat pun malas and tup tup dah takdir kaki saya kena potong dek kencing manis. And for crying out loud, takdir is so not when you have just given up in doing anything and say 'i anggap dah memang takdir i camni'. 

So you judge, tak nak judge, whether i layak ke tak nak bagi marriage advice. But seriously, perlukah i kisah what is in your head? Like i've said before, i have come this far in terms of age, life experience, social standing (statement tak mau kalah) to really ambik kisah apa orang cakap. Kalau la dah baya2 camni pun nak rasa insecure tak tentu pasal, i might as well jump off the cliff like right now. And yes, jauhkan diri kita semua dari makhluk yg membawa aura negatif.