Blogger's block

I'm back from a much welcomed respite..org punya coronation i cuti, org sambut wesak i cuti dan apa2 lagi cuti yg sewaktu dengannya lah. I have not been feeling comfortable at the workplace lately. I have deduced after all these years that i am a sensitive soul actually. Although for me to come to feel 'terasa' may take a few hours or days, but when that happens, i tend to shrink away and become a recluse. It is not just at work, but it's also where the family is concerned. (i don't shrink away and become a recluse from MG because experience had taught me, with MG, it's either he just doesn't notice that the wife has not been speaking to him or he writes her off as 'gila meroyan')

Maybe being the person i am who is most likely least prone to be having emotional outbursts or bermulut puaka, closed friends tend to take me for granted once in a while, thinking that i don't mind. I do really..and when it hurts, i may take off somewhere or the least i do is to hideaway in my office, closing the door and this alone is enough to indicate to people who know me that i don't want to be disturbed. I tend to sweep things under the carpet because i'm not good at expressing myself, i find it embarrasing to do so. That's why with MG, i resort to sending him smses or leaving him some notes on his reminder..i just can't do it face to face.

It's the same with where my parents are concerned..as i grow older i find that it's becoming harder to find something in common, esp. with my mum...i don't call her every day, the most i do pun seminggu sekali. And i always have to find a time that i'm not stressed out and able to deal with her 'lectures' ...it's not that i don't care about them...i make sure that i send them money every month or whenever they need to be seen by medical experts, i pull strings so that they are seen by among the best people around and not have long to wait. But perhaps, i don't do the 'superficial' stuffs like calling them up everyday, balik kampung every month etc. Believe it or not, i used to do all those things up till a few years back when i had a fall out with my dad (yg boleh tahannya mulut puaka)..and because of that i 'terasa' and until now we could never get back the kind of relationship we had before (and ditambahkan lagi ada antara kami anak2nya ni yg arse licker, jadi lagi jahatlah nampaknya aku ni)

So, i took the easy way out or to be more specific, my way out. There are a lot of things i like to put out in the open, and i did try once but with them, i will always be this 'little girl' and instead of listening to my grouses, they dismissed it as me making a mountain out of a molehill. Tak sakit hati ke? Maybe we need to be on Oprah..

So, to those out there that i haven't called to meet up or reply comments, i'm terribly sorry. At the mo, i just need to be a hermit, just for a little while longer.

p/s alfatihah to Amid who eventually succumbed to human intervention.