Totally dysfunctional

Mr Gig will be on a course in Seremban for two days. The way he went on about it, it's as if he's being sent to ceruk Tok Kun (ada ke tempat ni?)Seremban is as far as our house is from KL. I told MG that one morning i might just head south instead of north to work and pay him a surprise visit. He can stash me away in his room and we can have a quick nookie during his tea breaks. I like play acting and it'd be nice if MG would reciprocate accordingly. But memandangkan namanya pun Mr Gig(olo) his replies would usually be the opposite: 'ala..jangan la kacau i, i nak pi check out the Seremban girls'. Me, 'eh! You have an ex-S'ban girl in front of you ni..' (i'm refering to my two year stint beasrama (bukan asmara) kat S'ban..) MG 'i heard from my friends that most of the girls there have pink nip*&*s'
There you go, that's my Hubby for you and his fixation with er.. 'things' that are pinkish.

I supposed i have been married to him long enough not to be offended or worse, reduced to feeling insecure when he blabs about his 'fantasies'. I know that at the end of the day it's all macho talk and really, he's as prude as the monk in a monastery. Among other conversation we had last week:

1) Me: 'you know so and so has asked me to come along for a spa session this weekend. You know the hang ups i have about revealing my body yg penuh lekuk and lemak ni to strangers, kan. Do you know any benefits from spa treatment other than relaxation etc.?'

He was about to answer but i caught the glint in his eyes and i stopped him short.

Me: 'Ok other than your idea of spa treatment is to be massaged and tied up by two Siamese girls and them have their ways with you' He's always harping to me about him wanting to 'gang-raped' by other women. Kalau ada sesapa wanita (oops, women only tau) yg berminat, please leave your number and get MG off his misery).

MG: 'other than that, no'

2)We were watching The Wedding Date on Astro and there was this one part where Dermot M. said something to Deborah M. I would rather have arguments with you than sex with anyone else to which MG said 'Yang..tapi kan, i would rather have sex with someone else than arguments with you'.

Me: 'You memang jal**g..'

3) We were both in a car driving and ada la nampak one of our neighbours ni tengah hangout her laundry and to be more specific her undies.

MG: 'Ee..eeiii..tengok you, kecik aje seluar dalam dia. Cam tula sexy..ni you punya besar cam khemah (a ah..laki aku memang mulut puaka)'

Me: 'Eh, i lagi sexy..i'm going commando now tau?!'

4) It was Sunday afternoon, selepas i berhempas pulas bake another batch of cheese cupcakes.

Me: ' You should count your blessings. Your wife's not only lawa, ada career, pandai masak tau! (matila Kiah Perasan). What are you going to give me?'

MG: ' I'll give you the best wham-bam ever tonight!'

Ces!