Marah 1

I am so angry now, this week je dah marah 2 kali. What these 2 people that i'm angry with have in common is that they are sombong bongkak cakap 'i don't give a shit about what other people think of me' and 'i don't give a shit about how you people are'. I dah pendam lama dah sakit jiwa i kat orang2 ni. Marah pendam pas tu cool balik, kawan balik pas tu marah pendam, cool balik and just now (and the other episode before) memang i dah tak tahan dah, all expletives keluar (OK la, setakat bengong, ngok...). The person just now cakap i ada attitude problem, suka nak meletup. Ek eleh!! Kalau once in 6 months tu maknanya suka ke? Cuba tanya MG...pernah ke i meletup? The last time i meletup ngan dia was in 2004, sebabnya kecik je sebenarnya tapi pasal dah berulang kali berlaku and i snapped..melayang periuk (tapi pas tu aku gak yg penat mengutip nasik goreng atas lantai). I bukan jenis orang yg cepat marah because i ni bebal, kurang sensitif bab2 orang nak mengena ka, mengata ke etc. Selalunya dah 3,4 kali masuk toilet and piki, baru le laaaaa...memang pickup passola betul. I guess when it happens once too often, i snap and when that happens cam ada makhluk lain (Cik Kiah Hyde) yg take over my body and mulut jadi cam cib##. Tapi i bukan jenis mencarut, paling over yg keluar pun would be idiot, ngok or mengong. Enough with the mukadimah, lets story mory.

Story #1
Encik Sri Siamang..hmm..sapa lagi yg boleh buat i marah sebegitu? You know, people say exes can be friends..tapi tengok la jenis camna kan? I bukannya masih bengkek that i got dumped. Itu cerita lama. Yg i tak berkenan is what came after. Dia pulak, perasan yg he is my oldest, bestest friend la kut, perasan yg he's got some kind of privileges over my other friends. Selama ni i pendam je, i have never told him how i feel about him and other stuff. Semenjak dia dah jadi org kayap ni, berlagak bukan main. He ridiculed my proton car (cam nisan sentra dia bagus sangat), the fact that i jarang beli toys for my kids (depa main tupperware and senduk kat dapur je) and i hantar anak i masuk nursery sebelah rumah je and not some tumble here and there tots or kindersurpriseland what have you. When he asked me MG kerja mana, i cakap XYZ company, dia boleh kata, oo...they don't pay much overthere kan? Mulut ni senyum je walau dalam hati cakap cilakak, kecik2 pay si MG tu, montel gak la bini dia ni melantak makanan best2. Then came the last straw (or so i thought) bila dia meroyan and habih semua cite2 dari kitaorg kat UK dulu sampai ke clients i semua terpalit. I thought that was it la....(masa tu dia cakap 'ooo..i don't berfacebook to cari glamour. Kalau nak glamour, i masuk iklan..- a ah..beautiful people la katakan).

Tup tup, last month, dekat sedozen la sms and email dia pada i mintak diaddkan jadi kawan kat pesbuk. Still i tak pulangkan paku buah keras (PPBK). After some time i thought, OK la...(hati ini pun tergodek2 nak tengok gambar bini baru dia) but hati memang rasa tak sedap because cam ingat2 lupa je yg perbuatan and kata2 dia memang selalu menyakitkan hati. Hati i sakit because dia dump i ke atau pun hati i sakit sekarang because i dah tak cinta maka ternampak lah segala perbuatan dia yg menjengkelkan? I have never figured out what the answer is actually. Kalau the latter tu betul, memang patutlah i tension dgn diri sendiri kenapala aku sebodoh sebuta kassim selamat nakkan kat jantan tu and along the way mendump lelaki yg sebaik dan sefofular Barney (the dinosaur), no wonder la komuniti mesia kat mster dulu ingat aku gila.

Anyway, last weekend, dia sms i cakap he dreamt of UK, and ada i in his dreams. Btw, sejak dari peristiwa berdarah (dlm hati) Jan lepas, memang i tak pernah berbalas smsnya. In fact dlm pesbuk pun i layan tak layan je dia bercakap. It annoyed me that bila bersembang ngan kengkwan kat pesbuk, dia akan mencelah and made reference or talked about things yg only a bf/gf/die hard friend je akan ingat - e.g. that i used to have a TomCruise poster in my bedroom, that i had a big elephant toy and then he called me by my petname some more!!!! Urgghhh!!! (lain la kalau cam esah call me by my petname on pesbuk. Dia panggil i pook(i), Poon(dek)..

Ok la, back to his dreaming about whatever...i nak sms kat my bff telling her 'aiyoh! The ex just sms me to say he dreamt about me' but being Cik Kiah yg selalu hantar sms silap orang, i pi hantar kat dia pulak! Then he smsed back and cakap what about 'the ex'? I have long seen you as a friend, and not an ex.

Ni yg nak buat CK tergelak sinis satu hari. Ada hati pulak le kita ni jadi kawan dia. I ni kan social misfit..i view the world simply where people are concerned. Good, bad, evil. I keep the good ones near me, the bad ones hi hi bye bye and the evil ones - tak hingin aku nak tegur pun! Sib baik yg category last sekali tu jarang la berjumpa org camtu. Ada sorang dua pun tak mengacau hidup aku takpe. With Siamang, obviously la dia bukan among those i nak keep near me kan? Hi hi bye bye je lah. Then i wrote on my wall about 'some exes can be friends, some jauh panggang dari api'. Sapa yg makan cili dia la yg terasa pedas (because ada sorang dua lagi my exes or pseudo exes yg pesbuk friends). Siamang balas and cakap why bitterness still lingers la (waaa..banyak cantik muka dia. As if!)..Got to move on la (amboi! Sapa yg tak sudah2 nak mengacau hidup i??)..let bygones be bygones la (apsal la 'nyamuk' ni tak mati2 ngan bygone?). Pastu nak dijadikan cerita lagi, aunty dia lak request nak jadi pesbuk friend i! That's when i flipped. Sapa lak pompuan 50an yg asik bertukar profile picture kejap bertudung kejap idak ni? I don't know her, have never met her time2 kononnya i nak menjadi menantu diaorg...but ofcourse she's heard of me i'm sure..so now? What? Nak join jadi friend i because teruja melihat percaturan bahasa antara i ngan anak sedara dia ke?