I once told you as long as we talk to each other, we'd be allright. I also told you that when i have a problem and i need someone to talk to, you should just listen and not offer any solutions. Because us women already know what need to be done. We just need to voice out our concern and it'd help if you'd just listen and offer me your support quietly. I think i've told you that i don't want big, expensive presents once a year or only on certain occasions..i'd rather have small meaningful ones, dispensed throughout the year. I've said to you that what usually pissed me off is not what you have done but rather what you have not done. Nevertheless, I appreciate that you stood up for me when others took advantage of my never being able to say no.
(I'm feeling melancholic, so bear with me). I want to tell someone, my best friend of what a long and tiring day i've had. I attended a course. The saving grace was that the speaker was good, nice and charming (had you still been around, you'd probably say, what? muka por-ot tu?). I would have also told you that for 5 minutes yesterday, i asked myself, is this all worth it? I felt overwhelmed, just like how i felt when i decided to get married and the date was just one month away from my professional exams...in the end i gave the exams up..delayed in sitting for them for 6 months. I hope if ever was i to tell you that i'm ready to give it up, i want you to tell me that i can make it like i always did. I wish i could just pick up the phone, dial your number and bitch about some girls at the office or sing praises over some male celebrities and have you sniggered...most of all, i miss talking to you about my family and all the good and flaws because you've always understood....
You were once my very best confidante, ally and closest to what one would call a soulmate. I wish i could wait for you to realise it one day that i'm not in competition with you but at the same time i don't have the energy left to let you keep hurting my feelings.
Tonight, more than any others, i miss you my friend.
Dear there,
ReplyDeleteSometimes best confidante, ally and closest to what one would call a soulmate could hurt your feelings too. Its just one of those days.. Cheers and take care.
dah lah..lupakan Setan tu...
ReplyDeleteCK, I hope that that person reads your blog. If not, you many want to consider writing to that person to express your feelings? It'll take some swallowing of pride though. Of course, I dont know the whole picture, so my suggestion may not be valid...
ReplyDeleteI feel u *ohw meroyan jugak, rasa cem baca diary sendiri*
ReplyDeleteMay be I'm being cynical. But I feel that the perfect husband doesnt exist (at least not in this world) but then and again, we're not the perfect wives. So, we marry the guy whom we can tolerate his flaws and vice versa.
ReplyDeleteAs for your PhD, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going, and I'm sure you'll pick yourself up and push yourself again :) You GO girl!
Bugis,
ReplyDeleteYes it must be.
Esah,
Mana kau tau setan tu? Entah2 i meant CliffRichard ke?
Anonymous1,
If he knew the existence of my blog, i won't have much freedom to write about him.
DR,
nak baca diary hang????
Anonymous2,
Thanks for the word of encouragement!