I had a lousy week. I went to see my 'bapak'. I was not so disturbed when i left his office but like always, pentium 4 processor takes at least 12 hours to process the info. I asked for more fun to buy chemicals. He asked me how much? I quoted a figure, can buy toyota vios. He said, what?? That much? I said yes, remmeber last year after a discussion you decided to inflate my sample size? Well...
He said the school has not got that kind of money...i said, ok...(i couldn't remember what i said actually because i was stunned). The most he could release is 20k. I said, well, i'm getting about 20k for my postgrad grant. So he told me to look for the rest of the money. He asked me to speak to my boss..i said, i can tell him right now that i'd be lucky to get some funding from the place where i work but i shall try and speak to the boss. Then i left the office...
The next day, the anger crept in...i felt cheated. I'm on my last leg...the research is nearly complete..i need the funding to get the chemicals to process the blood i have been collecting over the past one year. He told me to increase my sample size and yet now he tells me, if all else's fail, to reduce it. After one year of hard work? When i registered, i asked him, shall i apply for a research grant? He said, what for? No need.
Know what? i'm damn pissed off. As expected, my boss said to me, camna nak tolong? Kita bukan ada that kind of money (this is so not true..samada nak release atau tak je..the 'firm' generates money. And bayangkan, buat duit and modal org lain, get it?). Yes, i'm still mad, a bit hurt, disappointed and slightly depressed. Not because i can't see the solution to this problem but because i feel very let down by the people that should be looking after my welfare. Like my 'bapak', it should be his concern because i'm his student and this is also his research. And also my boss yg takut that if he says yes to me, in the future nanti ramai akan meminta2..
I will write the necessary letters and make the necessary phone calls asking for money. Why? Utk cukup syarat je. But mark my words my bapak nanti akan annoyed balik dgn i because these people will surely ask, apa SV dia buat??
This week shall pass..i'm not going to let this 'takde duit' problem hinder my progress. Lepas dah habis sakit hati and dah menangis berbaldi nanti, i shall call up the companies, and proceed to order stuff that i need. So what?? I bukan banyak duit tapi nasib baiklah ada save up some money for things like this la kut. Kalau dapat some funding, ok, kalau tak dapat pun, so what? Org2 yg berkenaan ingat i akan merintih2 macam kap lam mati laki ke? My colleague ingatkan i yg menuntut ilmu ni adalah satu jihad, so i am on my jihad..tapi sapa yg buat taik dgn i tu, ingat2 la sikit akan hukum karma.
p/s no more lip lap or anak katak, anak biri or anak vavi for the time being. I need to save up for chemicals? Did anyone say cuka getah? Might come in handy some day, mana le tau kan..
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